Heart of stone

you took my heart away
when my heart was grey
u gave me everything
and a little bit more
and when its cold tonite
and u slp by my side
u've become e meaning of my life


its e way.. of life
shen chun zi dao

i'm not gonna deny it..
wats gone is gone
hmmm.. today aggitated quite a few ppl.. those whom i aggitated.. sorry ah..
hmm.. those who know me would have known tat i'm not in e mood today.. hope tml will be better ba.. juz studied chinese..abit.. so so ba.. quite full..
anyway.. tml anyone wanna study with me? and play bball or go arcade or go play game a while after tat for break?

why do i still cry for you?

i been trying to release you
to get my feet back on you
still i need my home to hold on to
even if i know i should back away
just a part of me
that i can't erase......

baby.. why do i still cry for you..
dying to keep my love to you..
why do i still fail to face..
the ghost of u...

baby.. why.. i have tried but i'm still reminded..
the ghost of u..
and wherever i go.. i keep on thinking of u..
the ghost of u....

everytime i look away.. i see..
the ghost of you....

sad song.. by mltr.. but it fits into my soul and mood now..
hmmm.. i blogging b4 i go bathe and study le.. very noisy at home.. drilling now..sian lk hell.. today wasn't a day i would remember... ok.. i left out someting happy..really happy yesterday.. yest.. during ce period.. aaron, su, me, jimmy, rusydi, harris were playing soccer..i mean table soccer... REAL FUNNY... we were laughing until stomach pain..i look at aaron face laugh lk siao.. been a long time since we laughed lk tat.. anyway.. our laughters caught the attention of clasz mates.. and the OM =___=|| ..

k.. back 2 tday.. morning was bad.. so anti social.. me la .. haiz.. tink i too tired to tok.. anyway.. even though i found back my foto.. hm still keep asking me tat question..~_~.. lol.. then she told me tat she had been keeping my foto during tis time...urghz.. recess very stupid..ate le.. went to bball court as usual.. this time we went crazy..and started being crazy on each other.. i kena restrained by des.. and my bro baba.. held my hands.. and josh took my shoes and threw into the power supply...urgh.. luckily.. my hands became "luffy" like..haha.. been reading one piece.. other than tat..
day was boring.. aft sch listening compre.. den kena scolded by ppl for toking.. urgh.. so i just left sch.. to find myself in a stupid hse with stupid construction.. driving me mad.. need to go out.... kz..

<========> ma'am.. i will do it.. give me time <=============>
<------------->
its not everyone. its me. i noe its wrong. but everytime i close my eyes.. its u i tink of.. everytime i day dream.. its ur image tat wakes me up.. everytime i try to fite back tears.. its u again...
its difficult.. i cannot do it.. i don have the strength .. time is not wat it takes.. its the feeling.. its the dream - visis

zhuang long zuo ya

yest. nvr blog.. guess i was tired... hmm.. lets don tok bout yest. ba.. not much stuff except studying more than usual

kkz..
hmm..today ah.. most is fine day ba.. except i abit blur.. mornin as usual.. slackin day.. as usual toking is english class. as usual she never scold me..she's weird.. urghh.. nvm.. den ah.. dnt folio passed up.. but cham liao. i onli do until sizes.. he will sure zham me.. surely.. hai.. hope tat i have a lifeline.. artefact.. more or less on the rite path le.. today as usual..
thanks mr mustafa again.. he's realli great.. keep helping aaron and me.. i dunno how to thank him sia.. he's simply great.. lets see.. i finished my shooter.. my holder near completion.. my lock..today had great progress...yea!.. finishing le.. worries on my study though.. everyday stay back for dnt.. no time study..wearing me out liao

had to head for hq.. had to find jimmy's specs..lol.. i thought i took wrong bus.. cos i forgot bus reroute becos of nicholl highway tragedy.. den reached bugis..lame sia... managed to head to hq.. got e badges.. not e accessories.. tell me to make another trip sia.. comeon.. exam leh... anyway.. bus journey home was terrible.. took me 1 hr ++.. normally would hav taken 45 min.. rain damm big. i missed my stop..cause i thought i left wallet in bus.. in e end.. got drenched.. and now sneezing lk hell..and cold.. anyway damm blur.. i misrecognise someone voice for frens voice...urghh.. anyway.. nitez.. damm..

wo hao pa..

wo xiang le you xiang..
ke shi mei you yi yiang
wo ai ta.. zuo le me xiang ta xin qing heng cha
yi zheng tian, bu xiang shuo hua
ai zhai zhong shi yi shen zhong zhen zha
wo zhe yang jing shuang shen mo ba

ai qing mei you yi yiang
wo hai ta .. ta ai ta
ke bu ai de shi wo
zhe ji nian bie rang wo
ye xu xian zhai de ta kuai le ba,
wo yi ge ren zhuang long zuo ya

yeas.. maybe now u are happy.. maybe i shd have no complaints.. i would be tat guardian angel..

When words don't come my way

yeas.. today officially sux to e core.. i guess my bad spell is still not over.. and wat a time to be in.. exam period.. hai hai ..
morn nothing much.. same old lessons.. same old teachers.. mock exam for hist.. felt slpy.. managed to complete the paper.. but nvr put in effort.. haiz..
nah.. i shouldn't sigh at all. well.. same old recess same old ppl i hang with.. same old after recess periods..
dnt lesson.. got scolded by mr koh again and again.. told to go face off further.. in e end cocked up when my shooter lock broke.. luckily i thought carefully and asked for mr mustafa help me taper again.. now it looks better.. had the great chance to use a gullotine.. it simply rox.. i mean.. its a great machine.. u climb onto the machine.. jump and the thing is cut.. great? ..yeas.. other than tat.. i managed to find the bar.. hai..same same la..

i have someting in mind.. after sch.. when i'm free.. i would want to go dnt room.. pretend i do artefact.. but i gonna smuggle some acrylic.. i want to go do someting i wish.. for some ppl of cos .. hope it works.. i'll go on thurs or tml ba.. dunno whether got time.. got exam going on.. aft tat go home. boring.. checked exam timetable.. i asked huimin how to study for chinese.. and when i told her when i studied real hard.. i onli passed.. she said " when i study damm hard.. i will get full marks!!" ..hai.. hai.. just don understand..maybe i can't do chinese afterall...

anyway.. hope u are reading this.. u noe who u are..
i'm sorry if i aggitated u. but i realli nvr mean to scold.. i don't.. maybe my words.. hai... just want u to noe.. tat when words don come my way.. i hope u still noes wat my heart wans to say.. although its from a song.. i still tink tat.. its meaningful.. well.. don be angry or wad pls. smile.. i gotta be out there.. mrs quek threatened me again for physics.. this sux..

Stronger

hao.. wo shall blog early today since i am watching mvp qingren for the 3rd time and doin dnt as usual.. angel is such a bi*** lol.. although after tat in the show she would be better =X .. haha.. i marvelling at the fantastic basketball moves again.. hehez.

hmm.. today.. mixed fun and .. dunno wat. ~ k. today took to sch $5 onli.. goin to continue lk this until 7 may ba. cos wanna save $$ .. hmmz.. first lesson ish maths.. sorta.. good? cos finally completed understanding for probability.. abit diff. the o lvls sum.. still doable ba

next less. is.. chinsee. damm slack.. coz.. mdm ng decided to continue on oral ppl who haven taken.. worse thing is ppl started saying i hao lian after she complimented my speech.. hehz.. but den me celebrated with aaron!..
read some chinese ba.. aft tat was ss.. dozed off. got caught by mdm mariam as usual.. got onli 9/13 for ss.. actually can be 10 de.. she minus one mark frm me!.. lol. nvm la.. i would work hard to work on my sbqs.. essay standard is dere liao under tan kok chun.. hmm.. den aft recess was eng.. oso damm slack.. while tcher was having lesson.. talkshow (lena) , me, rusydi and sherry were toking..LOL.. hahaha.. so fun.. but then.. rusydi keep teaching me the wrong malay words.. urgh.. aku benci rusydi!!! selamanya!.. hahaz..

hmm.. lets see.. he taught me lots of bad stuff.. but luckily lena helped me to correct.. phew!.. chium (kiss) benci (hate) nak (want or lust for) kebebasan ( freedom) bukan (not) kacak (handsome) lelaki (man or boy)
i said "kau bukan lelaki" to rusydi .. haha.. and gumok (fat) .. yeas.. aku cinta kau selamanya. hmm? so funz.. anyway.. aft tat was phy lesson.. mrs quek said i could still get A1 for physics..hai.. i realli don understand this yr topics at all..hai.. teach me someone.. i waiting for kebebasan ne... freedom...

chem teacher temporary will be mr tan kee hoe.. until july..wow..tats scary.. but his teaching gd baz.. aft sch.. got fugging physics test.. dunno whether can make it although got last yr topics.. after tat decided nt to go for fugging dnt.. so sian.. but anyway smuggled my dnt project home.. yes!! finished shooter and main body cutting.. yes!.. can shoot liao.. hai.. tml still hav to pass up folio.. muz chiong liao..sianz... go home slacken le.. but now arranging folio le.. still gt so much to do... hao ba!!!..
watashi ganbarimasu! ( i will try my best in jap) aku nak blajar rajin rajin! (malay version)

Even when the whole world falls

yeaz.. its boring boring sunday again.. well.. i woke up quite late in the morn.. so decided not to go to grandma hse.. instead of doing folio. i was bzing eating my d.i.y breakfast of blueberry muffins and tuna sandwiches.. yup. din taste good in e end..so went online and was mostly slackin. until abt 1pm.. den decide to do work.. but aft doin for a while.. i got disconcentrated again.. haha.. in e end ended up watching mvp qingren again.. my soccer frenz were in da hse and watched too.. in e end.. at 4.30 .. when i ended a fone conversation.. decided to go over and joined my team.. well.. sheik did some tactics tok after our last sunday's horrendous losses..

i was to be up front as usual.. but would fall back to defend when they attacked.. first match against kidei team.. i got e lead for my team after some feint and shoot. however.. our defense failed us.. and kidei single handedly destroyed us.. we lost 2-1 in e end.. next match was to be against them again.. ok.. this time it worked wonders for us.. my bro gave me an assist while i stole the ball from yusof to make it 2 strikes..
next match. against imram and taufiq team.. well.. this match got me irritated a lot.. not becos of my performance.. it was gd throughout.. but then.. tat imran was a pest.. just becos we tackled him.. scored a goal past his defence.. and continued to threatened his goal.. he stared at us.. well mostly at me.. cos i was constantly attacking the goal.. i felt lk punching him man.. damm it.. i finished the match off with my 5th goal of e day .. slotting past taufiq with an easy strike.. aft tat.. i stared at imran and he stared at me.. well.. everyone (chinese and malays alike) .. just shook their head.. and hated imran.. haha.. my team went go drink bubble tea.. and went to our blk.. played some more.. and then go home..

had trouble doin dnt.. so now i drawing first.. tml then add words.. hope it goes well.. i guess i have to wake up early to complete phy hw.. hmm.. other than tat.. nth much.. gd nitez .. tk carez

No distance can separate hearts in love

well.. i have gone to accept the fact. the fact which i so much don wan to accept.. the fact tat love is not a matter of distance, the fact tat nothing last forever, the fact that u can't ignite feelings into a heart tat doesn't belong to u
although it may be a heartbreaker. but a fact is still a fact. =( haha.. for those who don understand wat i toking nvm la.. just move on =)

ok. today was tiring. first ting in morn.. i woke up at normal time.. saw hp and read msg. and went back to slp. and i was so damm anxious when i woke up at 7.40.. needed to report at 7.45 for practical.. so for first time in my life.. just changed shirt and brush teeth and rush off to sch on taxi.. reached sch at 8.00.. mr tan kee hoe scolded me lk siao.. threathen give me a 0.. i hope he doesn't.. *prays.. anyway.. practical wasn't very difficult.. all can do except for physics abit forget..aft. practical.. the lab assitant abit the siao.. she started scolding hafiza for no reason.. aft she left.. we all toked abt pms to the max.. wow..

dnt was next up.. did finish my shooter.. abit crooked.. arghz.. mr koh say he may help me solve it.. then my body part.. give mr jufri.. he say he will not help me cut first.. he onli help girls =__=||| .. nw tat was lame..so in e end.. end up nuthing to do.. mr koh don lemme go off say stay behind help other ppl.. tat was very lame.. i left halfway anyway XP.. tink he's gonna blast me next lesson.. aft tat played bball a while.. but was damm sucky.. haiz.. tink too tired.. hmm..aft tat went eat with hj, and the ex 2h guys.. spent abt 1 hr +++ there.. nothing special except for jieyan getting free mashed potato for helping to fix e machine..

aft went back home.. wanted study.. but was noisy.. so decided to go over simei there to study wif yf.. hmm.. so studied until forget time.. and aft tat went play arcade..lol.. my shooting sux lk hell.. play the jurassic park.. accuracy lk dunno wat.. but mine don have the pointer..so very hard... anyway.. aft tat then went home.. and watched man u lose to liverpool 1-0.. urghh.. then just go online... feeling dizzy and tired.. so long for today ba.. nitez.

On top of the game

today was a spirited drive .. just lk.. i trying to fight back this tough period..haha..abit lame? anyway.. its rather motivational today too =).. first ting in morn wasn't tat great.. woke up late =____=~ .. haha.. ankle still working on me since tat twist 2 days ago.. but still ok ba.. which brings me to yf.. hei.. hope u recover soon eh.. take good rest tml.. don overwork ur body ah.. next time i tell u where to stretch everyday.. ;) ..

first period chinese.. rather sian.. got 0 for the paper.. oh well.. my first 0 in my whole life.. argh.. losing interest in chinese fast.. but someting would happen later in the day tat would revitalise me.. normal ba.. next was chem.. felt slpy and sian.. most of us were dozing off.. cos she was teaching us esothermic (correct spelling?) and endothermic.. onli caught abit ba..argh.. will try catch up soon.. aft tat geog.. was in dreamland.. with dreamythots.. but still got concentrate for most of time.. recess was the saviour.. went eat wif classmates..arh...!... seemed to hav forgived jeromy abit.. =) .. den i thought.. damm it.. aft still got oral.. and ez link card =____=|||| .. nvm .. so aft recess.. same old boring lessons.. probability tink is my onli strong topic for maths ba.. vectors lk shit.. =_=.. gotta learn man.. mid year sec 3 topic can kill me.. no. i mean will kill me.. just realised tat mid year geog will be sec 3 and sec 4 book!.. omg.. tat is hell.. tat means a total of 500 over pages.. now tats crazy.

mrs quek delayed physics lesson dismissal by 10 minutes. she say final slide.. then went on to talk for 10 more slides. when she finished.. everyone zhao immediately.. cos got chinese.. went down for fall in.. nothing special.. except tat training will end for now le.. now.. tats someting missing on sats for me le.. wonder how is it to survive without training.. oral.. i was low in morale, confidence and all.. when it was my turn.. it turned out.. well?? i mean.. i managed to read out without making a mistake.. i hoped.. then when the dialogue part.. i was struggling at some points.. but then at the end.. mrs ng.. said i was good???? say i had strong points in speaking and had confidence.. she told me tat my oral will be very strong.. now need to use the one month to brush up my writing skills.. hmm.. yes.. she finally motivated me for first time.. " hai shen xia yi ge ye, ni neng zuo de dao de!" .. whew.. called my mum.. to make arrangements.. she was slping =_= ..

so i went play bball first.. took some shots then played match.. sucks la i.. onli scored one.. tat alley.. but then after tat one on one with joshy.. we played a 3 on 3 match
me, desmond and jun jiang would be against baba, joshy and avi.. it went gd.. i got fired up.. and well.. jun jiang had to leave.. so it was me and desmond in a new match.. but.. handicap.. against.. josh, tim, and baba.. (<== my big "bro" ..si baba.. i am si ah hock) i was already on a maniac mode liao.. everything tat came from the board .. basically.. i went for everyball.. got most of rebounds tat i attempted, .. i guessed i put all my heart into it.. finished the game off with a tyco jumper.. but now i guess.. when my maniac mode comes.. i am on top of the game. haha.. sounds like hao lianing.. got real tired after tat match.. so went meet my mum. reaching buona vista she say no need.. say she already help me made.. =_=

so just went tamp and buy food and went back to bedok.. fumble a while.. den go back home.. was listening to bsb disc.. wow..tats nice.. i will love u more than tat.. nice nice nice.. tml got practical and dnt..now tats a big turn off.. i'm on top of tat

eyes pain.. so better blog now..
dunno why recently.. my eyes constant pain.. tink stare computer screen too much le.. anyway..ok.. i am going thru a rough patch in my life again...
hai~.. long time never use hai in this way le.. kz.. today wake up weird.. i found myself on the bed without blanket.. and my shirt??? .. guess i was dreaming abt a desert .. =___=|| tats kinda lame.. .. my left hand was numb even when i reach paya lebar.. weird.. the whole body warm warm except for tat left palm.. anyway.. i was sweating even in the coldness of the bus.. weird. reach sch.. jeromy saw me walking wif someone and say i dao. wth? i did say hi to him? urgh.. tat was just beginning of my bad day with him

first lesson. english ag. went 4a.. kinda lame.. she gave a test. still can do ba.. not much prob.. except tat some words dunno how to form sentence.. and i spelled unanimous wrongly.. i spelled as unaminous .. then aft tat played a grp game.. our grp got 1st in that round.. but kinda sad..cos out of 12 ppl in our grp.. onli me, rusydi, sherry and talkshow (lena) participated.. won by half point.. den kinda lame.. mrs poon.. say pass the parcel oso got grp points.. tat was LAME? i mean its like.. how do u ensure a fair challenge? anyway.. as we passed on.. ppl sabotage each other.. the most funny one was jiming putting the parcel into chia's bag..haha.. then the next round.. was someting vocab.. our grp finished first.. again .. it was the 4 of us.. and we onli made one mistake..tats gd.. others made more den 3 mistakes.. ok..we won. but then.. when the chocolates (parcel) reached us.. all the chocolates were already taken away by other ppl.. so lena took one, sherry took one, i took 1/4.. and offered rusydi another quarter. but he refused so i took tat quarter..haha..

well.. here comes the negative part of my blog again.. *evil*.. those who read my blog yest. sorry ah.. didn't mean it.. but just need to shout out.. hai~..
ce lesson.. do grp work.. i was like being suan all the way .. by everyone.. i mean.. i can take it one.. normally.. but when everyting collects and piles up.. i will explode one.. duno why.. this few days had been very bad.. the worst is.. when i am upset.. even mrs ong can see it.. my frens failed to.. when ce lesson ended.. i walked to my seat and just laid down on my table.. recess liao.. i wanted to stop it frm coming.. i couldn't take it anymore.. my tears were bursting out.. i tink i'm lk this.. emotional.. typical of pisces guy.. but they onli burst out when jeromy answered mrs ong .. when she ask why i look upset.. he said " don care abt him la.. he's just slping" .. i was so hurt.. i mean its lk.. i treated him as my gd fren.. hai.. anyway.. josh is the onli person who stayed behind to accompany me.. along wif mrs ong.. mrs ong kept asking me wat happened.. and ask me if i need to tok to someone abt my probs.. well.. the prob is.. i.. am uncertain of myself.. i got worries.. but do not wish to be of a burden to anyone.. cos last time.. i remembered..i got one fren.. i shared with him my probs.. in e end.. he say i am a nuisance to him.. so i sort of lose hope.. preferring to keep things to myself.. even when i'm sad.. i'm sort of forced to smile..

haz.. anyway.. went to wash face and just grab a bite and had a drink.. aft tat wanted to go back class to take my dnt folio + bag.. for dnt lesson.. then saw mrs lee in my class.. then she told me to come and scolded me for no obvious reason..suay lk hell.. i mean its lk.. i nvr done anything wrong???? oh fk.. she sucks.. and recorded down my name as well.. din even listened to my explanation.. aft assembly.. mrs chen looked fierce and scolded us for staying in class.. i mean is lk.. i nvr done anything wrong again.. i explained.. she stared at me angryly.. den she went down to tok to vp.. mrs lee wanted to see her.. so we went for lessons.. had to clean up our classroom.. so our class worked real hard.. united.. to clean the class.. nw it looks much better.. =) then met mrs chen again.. this time still see tat same angry look on her.. but then she asked me to come over.. and she sort of smiled? say this time nvm.. just warn me not to come at dangerous time to take my folio.. if not vp catch.. i'm glad she understood .. tink is mrs ong go tok to her ba.. mrs ong had let me to stay in the class until 11am then go wash face and grab a bite.. nvrtheless.. i just glad tat they understood..

anyway..during dnt lesson today.. 2 period.. slow progress.. just spent the entire time finding and cutting out an aluminium rod.. but now i beginning to see my artefact forming liao.. =) .. stupid sia.. huimin keep teasing me abt me losing my foto.. everytime walk past her.. she will ..eh quek.. eh yong hock.. i will "ya?" .. she will " hav u found ur foto".. and i will diao.. and she will laugh..arghh... now online she oso doin it to me.. and say wat i nvr write her testimonial.. she will post my pic online.. i oso dunno hw she get one...argh... nvm.. tink too long liao the blog.. shall end it here.. nitey nites

hmm.. second blog today.. did some tinking.. and some joshing up



[GC Instructor]
c'mon yh
[GC Instructor]
dreams are tings tt make life worth living
[GC Instructor]
tink abt this
no matter what u say
u noe deep down
u can say anything
but deep inside ur heart
u will nvr release dis dream
its too far etched in u for u to let go
if u let go
its like a part of life goes missing
because for that part of ur life, u have been living on/for dis dream
so cheer up yH
its not the end
=)

josh: thanks man.. i shd kick myself man.. for forgetting that without dreams.. i would have led an empty life..well.. haha.. hmm.. off 4 e nite le ba

i'm walking away

ok.. today sux.. sux like hell.. torture. perhaps this is why i am stuffing 10 small sauages.. 6 siew mais and 3 bacons and vegies and rice down my mouth.. even when i had a diarrhoea.. for those who already felt like puking when u see the first 3 lines.. don read. for those who want to noe how i feel now.. read on

first ting in morn, wake up.. bloody sht.. my outer body was freezing.. but my inner body was hot lk running fever lk tat.. then had to struggle to get out of bed... even when i reach sch still lk tat.. and i nvr complete my hist hw.. anyway.. reach hist period tat time.. lucky mr tan nvr collect back sbqs if not he will kill me. kept a clean record again. he returned yesterday's test on civil war. did consistent again.. but nvr go up one..argh 10/13.. ok..lets' look
this term - test 1 - 9/10 test 2 - 10/13 test 3 - 10/13 .. considered to the barely pass and fail grades last term shd be quite happy ba.. ok.. MAYBE this is the onli spark today

lets carry on.. gonna be quite long blog. dunno if ppl will bother to read. i not quite in the mood. moody ba. pe did running and basketball. ok. i sux. scored one ball but wasted many. lets just fast forward to aft sch. surprise eng test. ok tat sux. totally off. how can like tat lor...sian lk hell.. but this time manage to do abit. quite noisy the audi. guys in front were just rocking the chairs. =___=.. aft eng i stayed behind with lin hao and shu wen for aop session. didn't scold them much cos tcher was dere.. now this sux. anyway. monday gonna give them hell..

ok. aft reach home. i read someting. thought someting. and mood changed le. i had diarrhoea.. damm pain. ok.. let's just use one dialogue session to shout it out. hopefully i'll feel better aft shouting

lets say.. there was this person.. X.. will be scolding me

X: hey wat the hell is wif u man.. u look lk some fk shit
me: can u just fk off. u are in my way
X: u tink i dunno wat u tinking now.. u loser. u keep tinking u are the one. no no no.. u are the one loser. yes i mean loser. don say a word. i gonna tell u off. wat is ur fking problem? u have frens but u treat alot of them badly. u go around complaining to others abt ur diarrhoea ur fever ur hw. ur studies. hey i mean.. they are urs. not them. so can u just shut ur gap. u tink u are clever. wat abt those failed grades of urs. u are just a loser. u chinese fail chinese. shame la. put ur ass on ur face will look even better. nonono.. wrong..put pig ass even look nicer. now. u always dream dream dream. do u realli tink u will get wat u want? hell no. all words but no action. want pursue ur dream? fat hope.. no.. i shdn't even say fat hope.. shd say just go and bang urself. u brought it upon urself. u chose this road. u decided to suffer in pain and agony. who ask u. silent silent.. hesistate hesistate.. nvr listen fren advice.. now see la. u are worst off than any one. now ur one and golden chance down the drain. wats with u putting ur nick as "u will always be the one, i promise" .. got use meh? wats ur prob man. so wat if she's the one. u sure she's availible.. dream on.. yes dream on.. u tell ur cadets " all words no action = no show" speak for urself. yeah. speak for urself. u.. even words failed u. u want to tok .. become so coward. u are a failure in love. u are a failure in life. u are a failure in everything. fk u.

Me: now. i noe i am a pathetic loser. now can u just ...leave me alone. and.now fk u rite back

*the fk fk words are inspired by the song josh sent me " fk it " and "fk u rite back"

ok end of story. shall stuff somemore food down my evil stomach. shd i stay or shd i continue in pain
i'm walking away.. from the troubles of my life

Climb upon the ladders of despair in order to reach happiness

okok.. today chao early blog..haha.. cos quite tired le.. today very lame la... ok.. not as lame.. i am just lame|||| ... so lets start.. starting of day .. juz remembered abt going down early to buy stuff.. phew.. reach sch.. tat time.. forgot abt my pizza.. and luckily tan kok chun test not tat difficult.. tink can pass.. and luckily for 2nd time.. he ask us pass up assignments tml..LOL.. den i got back my hist test .. phew.. 10/13 for e essay... but i was quite shocked when mr tan expect us to get full marks =___=|| he say the essay answer can be easily found in a notes.. but didn't realise it.. arghz... anyway aft tat maths..

maths ah.. mrs tan teach multiplying probability.. wasn't exactly listening.. so in e end.. i tink i hav to ask for help again.. okok ba.. aft tat.. wasted 15 bucks.. cos nvr bring pe attire.. damm it.. arghh..... bring 50 bucks to sch.. in the end left with 2 bucks.. quite a lot ah....arghh....... anyway... aft sch.. was supposed to go and play soccer straight.. but then had to have a session with yl to tok it out.. dunno ah... so went eat with yf, hj, wt.. VERY HOT sia.!!!.. aft tat aft yf go home.. i go play soccer.. quite lame.. i wore a black shirt.. so couldn't play quite well.. but was nearly fainting le.. so went to bedok comm. to slack and drink water..

then decided to have a match.. long time nvr play at cc le.. quite gd le la.. 1 reject, lots of rebounds.. 6 points... haha.. i growing in confidence le..for the last ball.. i received the pass from jason.. turned back and hit a jump shot.. qie ban jing.. not bad la.. we won 11-5 ba

okok.. now body still hot hot... sian.. time to slack and slp... later will do hw...

you took my heart away
when my whole world was gray
you gave me everything.. and a little more

and when it's cold tonite..
and u slp by myside..
u become the meaning of my life..

very nice...~ you took my heart away by mLtR.. hmm today ah.. very the stupid la

first ting.. in the morn i receive quite a scare when i saw her sms.. then after tat.. found out tats its a fluke.. mixed emotions of being relieved and anger la.. sian lk hell.. wasted my morn surfing for news of suicide.. =_=" ..anyway..today first test already cmi.. maths vectors..urghh.. aft tat.. kena teased by tcher for chi test..hai.. hai hai hai... tell me .. teach me how to study chinese.. help me.. ... i realli dunno how..urgh.. somebody!..

anyway.. enuff of the shouting.. aft tat.. josh lent me "take me to ur heart" .. inside got some nice songs la.. but still prefer the "19 love ballads" .. include tats why u go away.. nice nice song.. but the mtv abit funny and lame..and don make sense too.. english not bad la.. 20.5 out of 30.. thought i will do badly.. but i know somebody out there who is same ag as me will do as well or better rite!? haha..

hmmm.. aft sch went to eat wif hj.. okok.. normal.. except tat hj roasted the pizza until chao ta.. lol.. became crispy pizza instead sia... hmmm.. now i suddenly feeling tired.. as in mentally and physically.. dunno why.. i tink today got someting in my life tat nvr happened ba.. haiz~ .. hope tml will happen? haz...

hmm.. remind myself to wake up early tml to buy some stuff.. don feel lk going down now.. a tad too late....tats it.... why am i online but not on msn =______=".. tink is tat stupid jeromy piss me off.. i want lend soccer ball frm him.. he threatened me say unless i go ktv with him.. i was lk fine watever ..dotted..urgh..k..!?

today ah... haiz.. sunday.. as usual.. most sian day of e week.. mostly without hw..tats wat makes it so sian..and sun so hot.. can die sia.. was not helped by no soccer match today.... then morn went grandma hse as usual...
aft tat.. was on the fone for most of the day.. lol.. if not i will be slping lor.. so sian.. phew.. then tell u the steps to ease headaches.. some ppl out there may need..hahaha

1) go and look at the computer screen
2) stare at ur msn messenger
3) slump on ur chair
4) say ur a maths tcher sux to e core 10 times
5) go and remove the label of ur facial wash
6) write (name of tcher) sux on the unlabelled wash now
7) now.. instead of washing ur face as usual.. u will be tempted to throw this away..
8) go back to ur msn messenger and chat

* ps.. may result in some negative effects such as being scolded by tcher and being sued for gao lou pao wu.. and of cos burning a big hole in ur pocket.. well tk care!

hmm.. wif ref from yest. blog.. today i blog is for yest ting la.. hmmm.. nowadays realli don lk things tat are happening.. arguments.. quarrels.. argh.. not the way i want man.. especially left abt 1 mth + ... hope can solve dis conflict soon.. just hope tat ppl stop scolding each other.. acting big watsoever la.....

hmm.. yest. morn went sch for geog test.. abit the sian.. i just tikam the last few answers..haha.. aft tat had dnt.. quite gd ba.. i finished lathe work for my shooter part le.. yeah.. when i gave mr koh.. he scolded me as i made too long le.. i make one can fly all the way to malaysia ah.. hahaha.. anyway.. can't wait for my artefact sia..haha.. i wan thank mr mustafa for helping me out so much!!..

hmm.. next one.. aft the rez went for wrcd celebrations.. i stayed in sch play bball a while then left for home..slack a while.. then shiek , ahmad came.. WOO.. we played soccer lor.. at first little ppl.. my bro, a guy duno wat name , me, shiek + ahmad.. against the other team.. lemme begin my summary nw.. eh.. ppl who read.. don say i hao lian or publisise ah...

hmmm.. first chance.. i playing as centre fwd.. i got the ball.. but missed terribly..argh.. nt my day in corners too.. sheik threw the ball.. my header was way wide.. then opp attack us..lucky sheik got it.. i trap the ball while waiting for support.. then realise they are all mark.. duno wat went wif my head la.. instinct told me.. then i back heeled the ball turned my marker.. then haha.. i everytime watch van nisterlrooy on tv how he score goal.. i feint one direction.. shoot other side.. bingo ! 1-0..

but then i missed hell loads of chances.. 2 one on one..lame it..and several otehrs.. could see disapointment on my team.. their team kept scoring thru yidei.. bro kept equalising...then their team led 5-4 against us.. juz before halftime.. i stole the ball from their captain and squeezed the ball in.. phew.. aft a break..

we set up a league.. my team was sheik, bro, ahmad, me.. we lost on first one...hai... against the yidei team.. 2-0.. i missed a great chance.. sheik missed.. bro missed..hai.. aft tat had one last match against taufiq team.. pro sia... st andrew one.. scored my 2nd goal off some nisterlrooy influence.. got the ball.. turned and blasted the ball.. tink i used too much strength le.. got my hat trick when my bro sent one ball up.. i managed to get the ball aft some tyco ting.. and poke the ball into an empty goal... we won the match 6-2 ba... except fr taufiq.. their team was not gd la.. next week if i got chance.. i would play at sch le..

okok.. blog at nite ba..

hmm.. today now write blog ba..

just a few pointers i want to say while i am fresh..

Don't critisice other ppl when u haven reflect on urself
Don't scold ppl for nothing
Don't treat other ppl as objects
Don't tink u are great
Don't ever tink of suaning ppl
Don't expect to not be suan if u suan ppl
Don't be sarcastic if u don wan ppl to be angry
Don't ever turn ur back on ppl
Don't forget who you are
Don't forget other ppl's feeling
Don't just tink of urself

If a person is at wrong. shdn't he admit for himself.. ok greps. if there was a quarrel.. there are surely no good sides. i admit. but then. it does not take alot just to admit ur mistakes nicely. u don't hav to add sarcasm. its just like adding oxygen to a fire... i just want u to noe tat.. although i noe u are not reading.. tat.. PLS tink of OTHERS too. pls CARE abt others too. PLS don always DOMINATE. PLS don TINK u ARE always RITE.

okok.. today nothing special except for the soccer match.. tml blog then write ba.. now not quite the rite time to write.

-peace-

yAwNz....

feel tired ahz.. anyway.. goin to slp soon so doesn't matter la

today sports day.. abit the nothing to do.. no casualties or wat.. red cross took part..in int. cca relay.. eh.. u girls rox.. at least u all got chang jia.. the other ppl train too much laz.. other dan tat.. juz frustrated tat ppl took loads of my marshmallows..urghhh.. sian lor.. hmmmm...

then today actually going out at nite to meet jeromy but he suddenly cannot.. so stay at home slack.. today make my blog short ba.. take care .. to whoever is reading.. nitez..

visions~yH

bloggie time!! .. hahaz.. so far nt bad.. been updating it.. hmmmm... today ah.. quite ok la.. but a bit rush.. hmmm... then i tink i losing my voice le..haiz...

ok.. lets' start.. slacking day today.. hahaha.. first 3 periods english .. sian lk hell.. listen poon tok cok... but in e end we went to library to read.. quite refreshing la..

next periods is ce.. lol.. slacking period too.. go com. lab slack and play a teamwork game.. then they test our stress level.. wah.. i everyting oso stresss sia..hahaz..

after tat dnt.. tok abt strain and stress.. urghhh.. still can catch abit la.. then artefact today slow.. only managed to cut out a aluminium rod... hope next week can thread finish...

then hor.. got this great great speack.. ramesh i tink.. lol.. he sibeh lame.. our whole class.. burst into laughters.. first time sia.. i could write a whole paragraph on him man..hahaha. lazie
then aft sch quite lame la.. rain sia.. then got drenched lk shit,, go meet my mum to make ic.. quite rush.. managed to squeeze into last slot.. aft tat.. hurried... to hq to get badges.. aft tat ,, kinda slept on the bus.. a long 1 hr ride home.. haz..

reach home slack abit... cough a bit,.. tok on fone,, now waiting for mum to wake up then i can slp.. typical me lorz... hahha... anyway.. good nitez

today ah.. even earlier blog.. abit sian.. just thought abt some stuff..

" there was a tinge of melachony in his voice as he crept down in desolation "

maybe this line can describe my feelin . nw ba.. i don feel tat happy..haz.. lotsa stuff need to do.. got lotsa stuff but little time.. alwaez the case..
i been finding a slot to go and make ic.. but everytime turn out no time.. tml die die muz make.. cuz mata call liao.. k abt tat.. hmmm.. tml i shd be free to collect badges on the way first eh.. haha..

ok.. letz tok abt today's sch life.. its one of e gd dayz i hav ba.... i managed to tok to everyone nicely today.. phew~... haha.. then tok to aaron extra nice..phew~.. guessed we are back on good terms.. mi claz mates ate mi marshmallows today.. actually wan give to whole class one.. but not enuff.. sorry hor~.. tml i go buy lots.. today hist test quite doable ba... if i did it correctly.. shd be able to score high.. i came up with a check list yest. turned out fine.. cuz i don owe any hw.. haha.. den aft ag modular.. jus sit wif rc frens to tok cock abit until 5 pm then go 7 eleven .. den go home.. met up with big bro vern.. and gay des. vernon quite lame and funny la... had fun joking.. heez..

up to dis point still in happie mood la.. until i reach home.. i went toilet.. was tinking abt my blog.. i wonder if actually got ppl read or not...

see my tag msg so empty.. is ppl leave a msg there when i ask them to.. after tat.. no reply le.. so sian.. ppl i nvr expected to read.. read my blog sia.. how ironic!.. ppl lk chia.. (not vernon hor) .. and josh actually read.. hez.. nt bad la.. but u all leave tag msg la.. if not i feel so lonely.. hmm.. am i just a person everyone toks to.. but not a close fren.. to everyone.. am i just a fren?

i want to be more than a fren.. i want to be close frens.. my mind and heart tells me tat we are.. but my 3rd tinking tells me tat we are onli frens.. haiz.. wat crap man..haha.. no la.. after i blog.. i would feel better le.. everyting lk this de.. nw i go play awhile.. juz realised mid year is 18 days away..haiz..........

decided to write blog now.. urgh.. wat am i doin man.. i'm supposed to be staring at the hist bk instead.. forget it.. i'll go back to it after this.. this few days had been stressing sia.. i din noe i got so much white hair until my fren pointed it out =___=.. tiring start.. i woke up just fine today.. no early or late.. den at sch pe.. mr stanley nvr keep to his promise.. say will let us play own games.. in the end end up pumping us.. and the worst thing is tat.. i did an extra 15.. =_____="

basketball.. althou tired.. still can la.. i tink i can finally do the turnaround layup le..haha.. don wish to say i burn who.. wait ppl say i hao lian again.. haha.. kidding eh.. if u read this.. don come sch and say i haolian i burn u ah..
dnt lesson.. sux.. i kena scolded by mr koh again.. sian lor.. i mean.. he shd noe i am a busy guy lor.. and i can't possibly catch up with my folio.. at least for now.. there are some other ppl who oso haven do leh.. i started on the artefact.. finally..phew..sort of dirtied myself with some mild steel.. then after tat still got extra lessons.. until 5.. then go hq just in time to claim and give money.. in e end.. end up 22 bucks poorer..

after tat ..chose to take a long 14 ride back home.. was expecting to slp.. but fortunately kept awake as i was toking on e phone.. anyway.. tats all.. for tonite.. fatigue.. gotta buck up

haiyo.. everyday i so early post le.. haha.. cannot blame.. i trying to master the artz of staying up early each day to chiong homework and prepare stuff.. i guess.. i was lame ?? haha.. cos everyday do this.. end up slping late =______=".. anyway.. today got improvement.. woke up to prep stuff.. but in e end.. slept again ..urghh.. hopefully tml can do it!.. haha.. anyway..today was up and down day.. when science tchers say they going to give us back papers.. i knew it.. kinda.. got single digits..urghh.. gonna buck up man.. then i got gastric.. arghh.. pain.. now better le.. today alot ppl pissed me off.. and i tink i pissed some off too.. i sort of got angry when they teased me abt my headers..

then went to kick some chair.. then aaron was there to suan me and scold me.. hey.. i mean.. i was at wrong.. but don u tink u are at wrong too.. nah.. aft sch.. jeromy made me starve when i had to avoid being zhong se qin you by peiing him to collect back hp.. anyway thurs his bdae la.. i want bash him liao.. aft sch limped on the way to 7 eleven with hj gang.. ate quite a lot .. but still pain.. go home.. then feel better.. anyway.. during ag.. pervert sia.. our grp wrote abt mamasans..LOL.. haha.. anyway.. i gtg.. niteez everyone

today early early blog ba.. abit the sian.. typical sunday.. hmmm.. morn went to grandma's as usual.. then slack abit.. had intended to head over to the beach today.. but just realised i was out of time and cash.. so just stay at home rot and chat online.. not much la..

afternoon 3pm like tat.. went down and played soccer with bro,sheik,ahmad,yi hao and a guy called yong jian.. wah.. they were surprised lor.. cause sunday they always see me mia one.. today joined them for first time in a year liao ba.. then it wasn't soon enuff until i showed classic nisterhock style..

although nvr play long.. i still can play la..haha.. abit showoff hor.. anyway.. first match.. me sheik and rickson.. played against my bro, yi hao and ahmad.. thrashing la.. 10-3... i scored 5 created 3.. hahaha.. on form.. then we proceeded to the pond area to play.. i heard from sheik and vincent (bro).. that there is the proest of players in fengshan area... looking forward.. tough fight sia.. they made us work hard..and made us look like amateurs playing.. anyway.. it wasn't long b4 i got into action.. i took the ball past a player..and set the ball nicely for yong jian.. he missed?? i was like wtf... then see him miss again and again..sian sia

then came a corner.. i jumped and sent a glancing header but the keeper saved it..urghhh.. but there was no denying me when another corner.. came.. i jumped and this time the glancing header was well beyond the reach of the keeper.. then they sort of score own goal lor.. great sia!.. we won them and another team challenged us.. they pro!.. got tk ppl lor.. known as izzad ba.. quite pro la..

ok..here goes the highlight.. everyone was marking me at the corner cos i am the dangerman when it comes to heading.. i flashed a header but the keeper did well to save.. wat can u expect.. bedok south captain hor.. haha.. but seems tat i couldn't stop scoring when.. i glanced a header .. and the keeper unluckily couldn't hold it.. then my bro pro lo.. he dribbbled past the entire pitch!!!.. and scored.. and we lost the next match la.. too tired..

i guessed i used my head too much.. now serious headache.. haha.. guess sunday very bad.. ppl always get headache.. yf oso got..lol.. kinda..
anyway.. i gtg rest first.. tired.. my toe nail cracked when i went in for a challenge.. anyway.. i tink i left a great impression in the izzad's mind.. cos he shaked hand with me aft the match.. haha.. wat a "debut"!!!!...

testing~

hmm.. decided to blog early today.. oso don tink much ppl read ba..haha..wat a negative tinking.. anyway.. today sian sia.. i overslept.. missed my geog lesson.. came to sch on taxi =_=" .. anyway.. he say i his 3rd hated irritant..
i don care anyway.. i always go around saying oh fuck ma.. wats his prob. anyway.. he never see clearly wat i type.. so my fault meh.. nah.. nvm

came to training.. not much action.. i showed my level one of punishments to the sec 3.. i seriously had enuff le.. show me sucky attitude i show them wat i am made of too.. seriously i don like to punish ppl.. but when i'm forced to.. i will be ruthless..

den afternoon went over to york hotel for award presentation..quite lame la.. considering tat i got lost!! while finding far east plaza.. lame sia.. and huda was like.. "hey...every teenager shd noe where is far east!!!" ..haha.. guess i lacking in street knowledge ba.. anyway.. met my old ulc coursemates..
yu ching.. amru.. jason gan.. xiu wen.. hui hui.. more la.. incld ri guy..haha.. forgot his name..

loads of fun man.. at first when i sat on the glam table.. i was so quiet.. then after 10 min.. we started to rock on.. and man.. it was great.. xiu wen remembered my name!!..haha.. well.. we toked abt ulc.. tok abt the presentation.. tok abt retd!.. and man..endless ..
got one funny part... we were like.. toking tat we came here not for the presentation.. but for the food.. i was saying " hey.. the food is the main item today.. not the trophies!!" .. everyone laughed.. then when huda came.. and toked to us.. she ask us whether we want take pic.. i spoke again " hey.. can't u see we are enjoying our food" haha.. hope u all nvr choke hor..

we enjoyed the food lor..i got to mingle with ms geri lau and lau hock soon somemore..haha.. even the girls grabbed 3rd servings.. haha.. got even 5 servings..O.O.. our unit did quite well ba.. but if i were to describe everything tat happened today.. i will not be able to slp ba..haha.. after tat.decided to congratuate ck and huda and fiona.. and ching yee.. vincent sir got promoted!!!.. so did andy yeo sir!!..then headed for the door to go home.. then i u turned.. hey.. i haven say bye to those ppl who are still changing.. so just u turn and we walked together.. after tat.. they went far east while i went home and stared here.. tats all for today ba.. well.. my mood been shaky after jeromy toked to me bout it.. haiz.. nvm la.. today not bad..

Peace-

haz.. over midnite le.. haha.. today ah.. abit the stereotype leh.. in morn joined miao,josh,avi and ws for bball at fengshan cc.. in e end.. mata came and "arrest" of us for treaspassing public property.. come on lor.. we were just playing bball on a closed cc =_____=" .. but anyway.. my details kena taken down..hai.. dunno wat will happen.. but we went to play bball at other place.. quite tiring la..

went back home after meal.. i was quite retarded.. as i keep msging jeromy.. when i know that his hp is with tan pui ling..lol.. then decide to make a trip to tm.. to look for possible prezzies to buy.. dropped by a quite cool shop..hehz...
anyway.. after tat.. went to play bball with gc again.. quite retarded la.. rain sia.. in e end go back to josh hse read slamdunk.. den go tm again.. lol.. bought black cat 17 .. waste money sia.. 9++ go back home.. quarrelled over misunderstanding..haiz

then tok crap abit.. tats e end of another boring day of yh's life.haha

early morn blog.. unlike mi sia.. hmmm.. just realised that my previous post was very messy.. whole chunk of words.. i try to para ba...

although today is good friday.. i don feel at all happy.. i supposed to go for bball now.. but here i am .. still slacking.. tink just have some emo thots ba..
as i look at my blog name.. dreamythots.. have my thots always been dreamy.. can't i get wat i want.. very ironic.. cos almost everything in my life.. has turned on me... its like.. happy one moment.. then next.. something contradicts it..

and ppl.. can just stop blabbling the rumours.. i'm sick of it.. i noe u all like to rumour me.. but k.. this serious.. u hurt me i don mind.. but u hurt other ppl i mind alot k.. i just hate it.. last time becos of a rumour.. someone who was close to me.. drifted apart.. now i tinking whether.. i shd actually tink bout myself............ so confused......................

Love is one big illusion... i shd try to forget.. since love is so difficult.. then forget it.. even though i noe i can't forget.. haiz... dunno la.. tink abt it sometime later.. anyway.. i just want ppl whom i tok to to noe tat..
Sometimes i may be in foul mood or wad.. but then just to let u noe.. i care for u all..

haiz.. emotional..hahahaha.. anyway.. don always tink tat u see me laughing.. i am happy.. sometimes.. i try to fake laugh.. cos i noe i can't show my sadness to ppl.. the last time i did.. suddenly.. got a crowd of ppl keep asking me why i sad.. anyway.. will come back at nite ba.. maybe later goin swimming... will blog again at nite.. see whether my mood better le...

You got me counting the seconds
It happens every time
I'm waiting for the moment
we can sit down and talk for a while
And every time that you're near me
my heart is running away
How can I tell you when words don't come easy
and there is so much I'm trying to say

[Chorus:]
I wanna know that love will surround us
and you'll share it with me every day
Tell me you'll care for me now and forever
I'll give anything to hear you say
that I'm more than a friend

I'm gonna try in the future
not to live in the past
I guess that I was a dreamer
if I thought it could ever last
But every time that I see you
you bring me out in the sun
How can I hide it when we are together
I just know that you're the only one

[Chorus:]
I wanna know...

I wanna make you see
everything you are to me
Try to understand
I wonder if you can
The love I have for you
will always be true

NiCe SoNg sia.. lol.. hmm.. today usual stuff sia..haha.. guess tat my life's boring heiz? hmmmm.... morning go sch.. forgot folio.. ended up running back to get it.. quite rush la.. did ce in morn.. just to reach sch and realise tcher nvr come .. =__=" dotted.. almost late sia.. stupid bus.. all come in a swarm.. hmmm.. quite boring la.. poon lesson again.. again i was sleeping.. this time.. alot of ppl joined in.. dunno why she can teach a class of sleepers.. cannot blame lor.. a nice story she read become monotonous shit.. after sch.. then jeromy came to sch!!!?? LOL.. lame sia.. a pity he cannot get back his hp sia.. haha.. then keep suaning him.. got a great feeling after sch cos me and weishun teamed to thrash han jie and bao ming 11-4.. after sch kena suan by jeromy.. but managed to prove my point over at the next court.. then we play GC versus NON-GC.. damm FUNNY LOR.. and TYCO.. who scores first point will win.. gay match sia.. sibeh lame.. 8 on 8 half court lea.. after we dai chu qiu to the halfway line.. jason sort of got the ball.. he took 1 . 2 steps.. and jumped.. and GOSH.. the BALL CHOPED IN!.. amazing..den GC tok bout becoming LEs club..lol.. damm lame la.. then i challenged jeromy one on one.. i was leading 2-0.. then he came back 2-2.. i could not shrug off him.. but then came one moment.. when i turned.. and jumpshot.. i was pretty confident.. the ball took a bounce .. 2 bounces.. and unluckily bounced out.. gosh.. then he finished me off.. wat luck.. then he chased me around.. and sat on top of me while i was struggling.. then worse thing is.. vincy came.. and jumped on top of us.. i was like..URGH..paralyse!.. quite fun..la.. revived soccer interest.. tapped in the last goal.. after some feinting.. hmm.. then when reach home.. all the ppl i tok to not online hez.. then no one reply my sms =(..haha..kidding la.. but then.. tml shd be great ba.. bball with GC in the morn.. swimming? perhaps in the aft with my 4k mates.. tink my frens resting ba.. lately been chatting on phone le ..hahaa.. =). . take care.. good nitez.. everyone who is reading

heyz! peeps.. haz.. today ah.. same old stuff.. not paying attention in poon class.. simply slacking again ah....woke up quite late.. but still managed to catch the train =).. brand new ban! ..haha.. fibre glass sea.. don play play.. a pity never get to hit the courts.. nvr bring pe t shirt =(.. realli looking forward to slacking friday.. hmm.. gotta buck up sia.. " i gotta try hard in the future.. not to live in the past" .. hmm.. lately.. been quite gd in social life.. toking more than usual!..hahaha.. haiz.. to all ppl out there.. tk care of urselves.. if u feel tired.. tk a rest.. don overtire.. especially to huda and yf hor..haha.. shag.. i tink tml wake up early to complete project.. kk.. i noe we will be getting the training one.. just hav to wait..kk.. gts le.. bybeybey and take care ppl =)

-More than a friend- -MLTR- -Michael--Learns--to--rock-

i just feel damm bloody frustrated now.. so decide to write another blog today.. why can't a person who has worked for just a few days understand wad a person who worked for several months feel.. was i even allowed to join in e first place.. no.. until now.. she allowed me into the commitee.. when it was at such a critical stage.. does tat mean i nvr put in effort.. wrong.. dammit.. i thought tat the int. bazaar was the last ever proposal i going to do.. but i decided to carry on to try begging ma'am so tat i can help out with the comb. training.. its isn't tat i dunno wat some ppl may feel now.. i been true it lor.. bloody hell.. tat was the worst i experienced tat time.. i am the vice chair for tkrcy.. but did any one give a fking shit to who i was or not.. all got qns all go ask yl nicely.. all respect yl decision.. and i was dere being shoved around.. lk dunno wat lk tat.. hav i become such a useless idiot..

i noe tat u all may be tat u all trust me then tell me to do stuff. but sometimes abit too guofen lor.. i dun want to be shoved around lor.. so i was asking myself.. i worked 4 years in red cross.. have all gone down the drain ah.. i feel like just sailing my way thru liao.. since no one respected me.. why shd i care.. giving up is better lorhz.. wat shit sia.. why am i doing all these.. onli bring abt unhappiness..
then during ULC.. i worked so damm bloody hard.. fking shit.. nvr slp 2 days in a row just to summit the proposal to the chairperson.. i was the secretary lor.. my grp memebers on off on off.. so lame.. onli a few helped out.. in e end.. ended up doing their part.. from secretary become, safety and food.. when i summitted my proposal.. the gd points all that chiar take.. and the bad i take.. wad is dis man... its not i wan complain lor.. then at the poc.. after i failed.. i was tinking with my mates.. we would rather go out of the nite lor.. since all we did.. reaped nothing.. all of us who worked were in tears lor.. i still remembered xinyu.. very cham.. but wat.. we never give up on tat nite lor.. when everyone was slacking.. WE WERE THE ONES who DID THE BANNER... WHEN EVERYONE WAS EATING.. WE WERE PREPARING... WHEN EVERYONE WAS IN DISCO.. WE WERE SEARCHING FOR A STUPID GUARDBELT.. in the end it was in one of the discoers bags.. lame shit.. when everyone went home..we were clearing up .. and spent the time comforting each other.. i felt realli lk.. giving up all i had tat time lor.. work so hard for wat.. even my results lk shit liao.. used to top become flop.. but i noe.. i just gained something.. experience.

To reach success.. one must climb the steps of failures..
haiz.. i feel better after "shouting" out my feelings le.. will anyone understand or not?

"looking at the crowded street.. listening to my own heartbeat"

today ah.. a bit better wif test le.. at least nvr fall aslp.. hmm... its the same old stuff.. ignoring the alarm clock.. waking up just in time to catch the mrt .. =_=" .. gotta take bus but no time sia.. tink must discipline myself le.. after sch immediately got geog test in audi.. when i did finish wif josh.. went to ask mrs choi.. then after grabbing a quick lunch .. when i came to audi wif josh..ppl were already like..woah..wah.. =_=|| but the comical thing tat happened next was tat.. my bag was actually entangled with the seat.. and i sort of " tripped " .. urgh! .. ppl were laughing at mi big time sia.. all i did was to look up and did nothing else..
hmmm.. after tat went for the discussion wif yf,yl,sw and edwin.. we were praying tat the training would be approved.. but never too good... cuz of the teacher got course..haiz.. then sort of.. started to lose interest in planning.. tink is disappointment ba

msg: to u
yea.. mayb huda too harsh la.. i know ur disappointment and anger after so much things.. so much time and effort.. all gone down the drain? but then.. u got said b4.. why are u doing all dis for.. its for the cadets rite.. i noe.. mayb after mid yr.. we may nt hav the mindset to enjoy.. or to organise this ting le.. but then... now realli too harsh ba..cuz even if we managed to get the training.. dun tink we will be running smootly ba.. cuz..lack of time to plan.. and reccee.. huda was asking mi why u suddenly like this.. very unlike u.. she was tinking whether is that never do work one influence u or not... mayb ba.. but then i noe is really after so much effort.. u don wan to put more effort into something tat is not going to work.. but then.. we believe.. edwin was already so stressed le.. he did so much.. but didn't give up.. cuz he believe.. there is always the bit of hope present baz.. even so.. we oso cannot give up on e plan liddat baz.. why waste our efforts.. we can work the plan out on another day.. i believe in u.. i noe u are still holding a fire for the comb. training.. we will be waiting wor..

hahaha.. ignore previous post ba.. i lazy design the page.. too a blog skin.. but then will add modifications la.. is tat pear too obstructing ma?? anyway.. nothing much happen today la.. just tat.. some stupid idiot is out to suan me.. dunno why.. i nvr even tok to him b4.. lame sia .. anyway.. this brings me to..

i heard from ppl tat.. there is no total happiness a person can go thru.. so am i jus going thru an illusion? i wan get out then.. i don wan fake happiness.. these few days had been so gd to mi... but it hit hard on mi today..haiz.. i guess i'm going back to serious study ba.. already kena enlist in the care for u program as tan kok chun's god son =_=|||| .. hmm.. tats all ba... i'm listening to back to ur heart by bsb and out of my heart by bbmak ..

-Peace-