The years rolled on.


sometimes i really wonder.

what have i done wrong to deserve this? have i not put in enough? am i just not the right one?

but regardless of what the end result it, i wish them the best. and may my book be closed now.

anyway. i did a life mission statement in year 1 for apel.

the question was.

In 5, 20, 80 years from now, I hope to be surrounded by the most important people in my life. This is who they are and what i plan to be doing:

somehow i misinterpret that qns tat time, as This is who they are, and what they will be doing:

dumb me!

anyway. here are the answers.

5 years
Evonne: she will make it out as a successful and independent businesswoman
Brother: My brother will be playing soccer for national under 21 team.
yc: She will be in university doing her honours
Weiliang: he will be a splendid point guard.
Yeelong: He will be in the army slogging with me

(i personally liked the last one, cos when i read it, its like damn funny la. haha)

20 years
Evonne: She will run her own company
Brother: Would have retired from soccer, and now doing his own business
yc: Will be a motivational speaker to many youths with problems
weiliang: will marry his wife whom he love very much
yeelong: Respected artist

80 years
All my friends and important people around me would now pass down our life's values to the younger ones and we would meet at a community centre to catch up on the past, while maybe enjoy a game of gateball or line dancing.


HAHAHAHA. i really cant believe i wrote all those downn. so funny.


if i were to answer this question without interpreting now.

it would be.

I would be surrounded by people who love me, and motivates me, keeps me going.

haha. thanks.


y h

Nice

went prata last night.

ok not exactly prata, since i din eat, or rather we din eat.

after simpang we decided to dota,

2 v 3.

so was owning la. me and jason.

but knn we too complacent, keep going roshan.

in the end.

even with five hearts and 8.7k hp, jason and i still lose.

and jason still commented that he want reach 10k hp first.

lol.

sian.

i want a new shoe!

yesterday.

ah. just realised i forgot blog about yesterday.

yesterday, overall was a good day.

early morning, went to school.

we rehearsed our presentation. and were all dressed in black,

earning a moniker, men in black, or Black day.

and of course our hit single is Singaporean idiot.

since syafiq brought his guitar too.

after that was my house,

where fiq received his first ever ang bao.

den went bbq.

great night.

they were singing hock song.

in case u guys dunno.

the guys in iad has so called composed a song, called the hock song.

its retarded and retarded, since mervin's the one singing it.

but alright, it made for a nice night.

interacted a bit here there.

and who says a great night need to be rowdy and noisy.

its the company that counts.

:)


y h

Thank you.

im back from the iad makan makan 2007 aka bbq. it has been one of the most eventful nights i had. Thinking abt stuff, stuff and stuff.

I just wrote a thank you note to my lecturer who has impacted me alot, to write this entry down.

I realised recently, all my entries are like taking, and not giving.

Therefore, i am sharing with you guys this entry.

As you guys have known me, through one way or another.

i am hock, and most have seen my lame and joker side.

I guess for me to portray this side of me, is because of my inability to communicate well with others.

I have lost my primary school, secondary school, childhood friends because of my inability.

Hence, i tried to be an entertainer, even if it means humiliating myself. Because, i will get to communicate with everyone in an indirect way.

However, it isnt gonna work this way. Right now, i am just opening a one way communicative trip.

I am just using my body language and others to show to a group of people.

I never really talked to a person individually and know them.

The past 17 years of my life has been rocked with many events, ups and downs, memories and enjoyments.

It wouldnt have been possible without you guys.

I thank you, for reading this entry, and those who dont, i thank you for being there with me, even when i whine, or when i just sit down and stare at the floor, without thinking of what to do when i am down.

I thank you, for being by my side, whether in happy times or sad times, for sharing my burden, for taking the time care for me, and for making fun of me.

I thank you for making me write this post.

I felt i have really grown up in the past few weeks and months. I am able to think of others when it comes to decision, and able to care about my ownself.

I am never going to get myself drowned in agony, as this would cause you guys to worry.

I am going to make promises that i am going to keep.

I am going to talk more, and i hope you guys will continue to support me.

I am going to do something for my brother, and i hope we will be counted as brothers again.

Empty words would mean nothing, so only congratuate me when i have really done it. If i havent been doing the things i promised to do, please remind me, and get me on the right track again.

I have been wanting to write something like this, since i do not know when i will die. I do not want to leave without any regrets. I do not want my dream to be unfinished.

Thank you guys. and i will continue to grow up more.


i am gonna be an adult soon.


thanks.


y h

It is over.

yeah. and i am glad a huge burden was lifted from my heart. although its so indirect.

i am glad it got left behind. not at home but somewhere else.

and ya.

went tai bin hse.

had fun there.

gamble. hahaha. new year.

his family very nice.

we played mahjong dai dee, blackjack and in between.

due to some unforeseen luck i managed to win abt 26 bucks before losing and ended up wining only 10 bucks. but tats better than nothing.

but the real reward could be that. my luck in life is turning.

first time, it was snatched away.

2nd time, it wasnt, but its a mutual decision.

3rd time lucky maybe?

hahaha.

thanks yi er and jason for talking to me online.

y h

So my intuition is right after all.

but i am glad.

i am gonna put it all behind me now.

cos its gonna end today.

get myself a drink today.

no. not too much. dont drag my personal misery down to others.


y h

somehow it feels better when i did work.

at least i dont think too much.

now i gg to slp.

put it all behind.

because tml is gonna end it all.


y h

actually i dunno why im typing so much.

maybe because i needed to.

because if i didnt i probably break down.

i found out.

a good therapy is when u plug in ur ear plugs.

and listen to the music.

it helps.

but not when the whole thing is just staring directly in your face.


y h

Finishing what i have started.

i realised.

the source for all these negativiy.

its because the evidence, the stuff, the originator

its still in my possession.

and to get rid of all the bad things i am dreaming and thinking,

is to get rid of the source itself.

afterall. my life mission statement.

is to begin with the end in mind, and never stop halfway.

since i have already reached the middle. i must muster all my strength.

finish it. end the torture.

man.

wished i am at the streets hitting out.

shooting the hoops. running. jumping. anything.

anything but sit in front here.


sigh.


y h

Negativity

everytime i dont do anything. or stone.

i start to think of all the negativity surrounding me..

like wats happening now.

yeah. man its bad.

zzzz. argh.

y h

Even the best falls down sometimes
Even the stars refuse to shine
Out of the back you fall in time..
and somehow find..
you and i collide.

Its just over.


yeah cny is indeed over for me. maybe not since i am going tb hse on thurs and bbq on fri.

but this yr cny totally not in the mood.

as expected la.

But i had a couple of super fulfilling conversations.

yest was such a good one.

with yc while we were on the way home.

managed to talk naturally at least with a girl.

haha.

i mean. there were some good points brought up.

change.

change is desired but only pursueable in a new environment.

someday i'll need to change.

stop getting stuck in the old, and go into the new.

so far i've kept to my resolution.

but how long i'll take to crumble?

it depends on my motivating factors i guess.

haha.

feel like im talking to myself.

man. ok soccer.



y h

happy CNY

first of all. happy cny!

anyway i was right. this year cny is boring.

only visited 2 hses.

nvm later movie with family.

tml got mum friend coming my hse.

but most likely boring.

hmm. so i shd start on my essay tml.

so my new year resolution. is one that i will want to keep.

To be a moral leader.

A moral leader is not one that does the right things, but one that does the right things right.

Even when no one is watching.

yes.

REFORMED!

y h

NEWYEAREVE


yesterday as mentioned, was a bad day.

in fact, the bad day carried to today.

up till even after comda presentation.

so i decided

to just let loose a while

go have my sushi.

den i sat in front of the com.

it hit me out. i knew i shouldn have.

thankfully the rest of the day. or should i say night. was better. way better.

ldership class.

last class.

we were bz chatting at our table for maybe the first time

and ldership class ends with 2 motivational speeches from our lecturers

ebnu and roslinda.

i also said what i have intended to say.

took some pictures after that.

went town with the 2 Es.

elroy and elizabeth.

some nice chatting.

while throughout the night.

i did something that i would do when the situation is not good.

been 2 years since i last did it.

URBAN HIKE BACK HOME!!! haha.

so accomplished now. though legs hardly moving, eyes shutting.

the first time i hiked, i based my motivation on short term stuff.

today. i motivated myself on long term future.

i am so glad.

Explanade - Kallang
35 minutes

Kallang - Katong
60 minutes

Katong - Siglap
25 minutes

Siglap - Bedok
45 minutes

Bedok - Home
20 minutes

yeah. its an improved timing. haha

today while walking i noticed notable similarities between ebnu and me.

He has a decision he regretted. His brother and his relationship strained apart.
He had difficulty conversing with girls who does not share his interests.
He likes to interrupt people halfway.

haha.

ok.

BATHE den think wat to do next.


y h

bad.

generally today is a bad day.

drinks spill. drinks spill. wasted dye. spoilt hair.

everything!

nah its not that bad.

but its still bad.

hah. tml will be better then.

y h

its nighttime

i guess why i decided to name my hotmail nightfall_yh back in sec 2 was this .

for me, the night resembles me. haha

ok.

today leadership presentation.

i knew that there were gonna be cannons aimed at us during Q&A

but i wasn quite prepared for that many.

hahaha. i was joking out there was like fighting a war.

but i thought out group did quite ok.

hahaha.

man.

and the quote of the day is

Elroy, i havent called your name yet, no wonder it feels so imcomplete.


HAHAHA.

yeah. inside joke.


as i sat on the bench while waiting for them.

i was thinking.

do ppl dont approach me, because i look fierce.

or i look ugly?

sometimes i look at myself in the mirror.

i feel that sometimes.

but ironic thing is.

i get approached always when ppl doing survey or selling thing..

makes me feel that my face is .

"This person face confirm will buy thing from us. GO"

haha.

so ironic.


man.


comda meeting 9am tml.


sucks.


slp soon.



y h

Its official.

The spark is going. going going...

haha.

am i sad?

actually no. im just glad that there is a spark

i had initially feared that it would be extremely difficult to find a new spark.

now that i had experienced it.

im happy =)

its the best valentine gift i had.

haha


on to NS, and lets see where my path leads me to after that!


y h

C H A N G E S


inevitable. welcome them or stay stuck in them.

last lesson of leadership. i quite enjoyed it.

anyway im so high tonight la. talk on msn until so high!

y h

Time passes like autumn leaves dropping
Wind blowing, waves clattering..

here i am, on this night
no different from the rest

but with memories of the nights
i spent with my beloved

my friends, my family
in the night i think about

reading entries
listening to slow songs
letting the mind relax

its all the process
that makes them worthwhile..



just felt like typing down.

hahaa. i just read an entry that my friend wrote like months ago. quite guilty of not visiting it for a few months now. i guess that when u are handling tasks or being occupied, u tend to forget things you should not have. so now i know, that one more person... understands what i am for, what i am doing, why i am doing it...

i am glad, just to see that entry...

it really pushes me on,

to practise my communication skills.

or some could refer it to.

talking crap.


hahaha.


anyway. those who read this blog. incase i havent asked u. HELP ME DO SURVEY!


http://FreeOnlineSurveys.com/rendersurvey.asp?sid=f89sit11a1xunza264161

THANKS.


y h

rush hour.

oh man. i look at the schedule and see. its rush time man.

zzzzzzzz

y h

sick before the new year.

zzz. i just have a feeling stupid elroy passed his sickness to me. so now, well im sick. zzzzzzzzz

but look on the bright side.

at least sick now better than at cny.

ah. these few days been super sleepy tired. shall sleep earlier tonight. tml gotta do work.

zzz.

y h

1.24

its 1.24am in the morning.

tired day.

weekend burnt out with fdc, vivo and swimming.

cant find exactly the right fomula.

but at least i am putting in a positive one.

im sure it will go on.

the flame never dies!


y h

W ====> H

first of all, what a day man!

first, watched man u beat watford 4 - 0, slept, got woken up by w architects and they informed me that they are offering me an internship place!

i rushed to send them the letter of acceptance quickly and went to sch, tired but energetic. lol ironic.

did comda. did leadership. man. i love leadership class though ya.

haha.

y h

Great

these days, i really felt that i am enjoying a new lease of life. it certainly has never been better to kick start the new year. and well. i love it!

alright. to make it even more perfect, i gonna keep a lid on my diet and also. ya tat face.

AH. i feel alive!

y h