Note

do not read my previous post.
read at ur own risk.


who says no one wanted u...
i wanted u badly..

Thoughts..

today shall be a long blog.. a long long one..

i dunno if she will read my blog le..
or even if she reads.. i'm not sure if she will read the below words.. or even think its her..

just say out all my feelings ba.. its not gd to put it all inside...

don read it if u tink u will get offended.. or disgusted.

..

i been trying so hard.. its useless.. why try to forget her when i can't?
compared to tat idiot.. wat does he do? go around chasing ppl.. den if cannot... label those girls as lousy? ... just wan gf for show.. and is so pervertic... not in relationship. means can touch and get close? ... i am not sastified realli...

i realli..sometimes just don understand.... was she never meant to be mine? does she don want other ppl to tink there's something between us... does she tink i am.. a wrecked person?

whoever be with me would be labelled as a no taste and loser.. yea yea... why am i like this..
i am untidy.. sloppy.. slp in some lessons.. behave ungently... yea... but i am trying to change... i am trying to improve on my physical aspect of myself...

but can anyone pls notice my mental and emotional part of me???

i get hurt.. i am a human after all.. i have a heart after all..
only when there's no other ppl.. den perhaps things will be normal.. when other ppl.. she shys me...

perhaps.. i am just.. ordinary..

i am not a person with a talent... but my only talent.. sadly. is one ppl can't see.. my patience to continue to care and love for the person i still have in my heart is never changed..

i am just down the drain now...
i just want u to noe.

i still love you.

even how hard u may push me away..
even if mouths start wagging..
even if bastards get in my way..
even if u continue to be hurt..
even if my care for u is turned into hate..
even if i get scolded for caring for u..
..i will not leave ..

i will always be here... until the day u find ur true happiness..

i been telling myself tat maybe i shd move on.. maybe u were not destinied to be mine..
yet i am still trying my best to be with u as a silent whisper to guide u..

i want to do well in exams.. why? partly for my future.. but u are half the reason.. without u in my heart.. do u tink i still want to bury my heads in something i don like at all...

although i noe tat after my os.. and tertially life.. i will go to ns.. after tat.. i may want to leave this country already.. i may not be here anymore..it is just a matter of when.. maybe i'll choose to leave after my o's.. or after my tertially education.. but i don want to be hurt anymore...

i don want to have images of u constantly oscill my head.. i just want a break from this life.. so stressful...
i want to go back to my village.. so when tat time comes.. i may not be able to see or hear u again..

hai.

tats why i still so hesitant in joining vis.. i scared i will be able to serve for a few years onli.. i pondered on the question when my teacher asked me whether i want to go back to thailand after my o's..

maybe. it all depends.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back to my day.. today was my last day in red cross..
sad event.. morning i went for geog test... for me quite easy..
finished 10 minutes b4 time..tats gd.. one essay in 25 minutes.. tat means attempting 1 mark per minute...
i hope i can do it in the exams too..

after tat went for dnt.. saw sw and yf sitting in e canteen. i decided not to disturb them.. cos i tink yf angry at me .. dunno.

so i went out for a haircut.. went to a salon 12 bucks..
botak now.. haha..feels quite nice...

went back to dnt.. saw them but.
did a lot of sanding.. ready for laquer le..
my project gonna finish in 1 weeks time possibly..

after tat went out for a break.. saw wt, yf and sw.. saw yf laughing a bit.. but then again.. chose not to go there..

so still with hj sanding...
after tat had to go back.. didn't dare eye to eye her.. so when i saw her turning back.. i immediately turn too.. collected my WO rank.. but disappointed to noe tat others rank still not bought..

it was a quite a nice POC... finally the last day .. in red cross ..my junior gave me a well wishing paper..quite nice...

i love you all at tkrcy.. thanks for the gift..

The End.

Isn't fair..
 
Life is full of lots of up and downs,
And the distance feels further when you're headed for the ground,
And there is nothing more painful than to let you're feelings take
you down,
It's so hard to know the way you feel inside,
When there's many thoughts and feelings that you hide,
But you might feel better if you let me walk with you
by your side,

And when you need a shoulder to cry on,
When you need a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
You won't be alone, cause I'll be there,
I'll be your shoulder to cry on,
I'll be there,
I'll be a friend to rely on,
When the whole world is gone,
you won't be alone, cause I'll be there.

All of the times when everything is wrong
And you're feeling like
There's no use going on
You can't give it up
I'll help you work it out and carry on

Side by side,
With you till the end
I'll always be the one to firmly hold your hand
no matter what is said or done
our love will always continue on

Everyone needs a shoulder to cry on
Everyone needs a friend to rely on
When the whole world is gone
You won't be alone cause I'll be there

I'll be your shoulder to cry on
I'll be there
I'll be the one you rely on
when the whole world's gone
you won't be alone
cause I'll be there

And when the whole world is gone
You'll always have my shoulder to cry on....

****************************************************
Life isn't fair .. from the start..
it was not meant to be and never meant to be

i know.. now u must be feeling tat the whole world don understand u.. a feeling of pain and angst tat u can only feel..

but.
i won deny tat i dunno how u feel.
but..
i've been there too..
wat goes up must come down..
i've been down at the deepest pits too..
when nothing's going rite..at all..
when my future was ruined by 0.1 mark..

however with perseverance.. ur strength will put u thru..
no matter how strong the obstacles may lay...
u will jump over them one day...

don ever think u're alone..
we are frens..
and i'll gladly help u..

u can go the distance..
i believe.

recalled a quote from huda maam blog..
wat is good abt being at e bottom.. is tat u will never fall again
take this chance.. to rise again..
it is possible... even when everything is not goin rite for u...

u can change the reality.

What can i do?
 
some of my frens are feeling sad over their results.. haiz.. wat can i do? i felt quite useless as i could do nothing to help them tide over...

why am i doin all this? cause.. there's so little time left... this is the last few months tat i am to be with alll my frens le.. most prob.. like wat hj says.. i will lost contact with frens.. most of them.. i hope i can still keep in touch with some.. i want to cherish this last few mths.. i want to be extra nice...

somehow..

to my frens.. notably baba and yf

cheer up ba.. this is the first word i will always say..
being sad will make it worse.. it is not the end yet..

i will do my best to help u all out.. do well in the written ones.. i assure u .. can get ur grades up one..

Belief.
believe in urself

on a lighter note.. i have more or less finalised the completion of my dnt artefact.. first time see mr mustafa and mr koh never scold me and laugh and smile at me... haha...

tml is mr mustafa bdae.. never got to wish him today.. happy bdae!..

tml is oso the end of my life in TKRCY.. the last day.. everything from the first day in training.. . i cherished so well... yea... i will never forget the times with the unit.. yea....

only when u are abt to lose something.. den u cannot bear to hand it over.. but when u have it.. u take it for granted...hai~

A light shall spring from the shadows
From the ashes , a fire shall rise
Renewed shall be the sword that was broken
The crownless shall be the king

a few lines something like this from LOTR .. quite inspirational..

now wish my frens luck.. all e best. =)..

gosh. i just decided on the bus just now tat i am going off with all my hair tml.. prays.. better bring my cap tml..

I will be here for you
 
by michael w. smith.. damm nice song...

anyway..
i hate myself for today.. totally unlike me..
in the morning.. just after all the speeches on violence..
i couldn't control myself.. and had a fight with aaron during PE.. sux like hell...
i had totally lost it.. i could have endured it.. i could have treat the taunting tat i sux in bball further.. i could have carried on playing badly cause i know i'm sick..
but. i couldn't.. anyway.. i tink if i not sick.. i oso play lousy basketball..

i sux .. no further words

next event.. in toilet.. changing.. i put my uniform next to the basin.. chia came in and push my uniform onto a puddle of water.. immediately i shouted at him and we had a quarrel..
wat is wrong with me man.. can't i portray myself as a role model... can't i be myself?

its a bad day.. me exploding all over...
I SUCK TO THE CORE..

hope i can change... i don like this me at all...
so aggressive..
so aggitated..
so uncontrollable..
so unpredictable
so inpatient...

recently.. the moody virus struck me again..
i suddenly recollected the one phrase in e book tat i overlooked..

Change is never challenged

whether gd or bad.. nobody challenges changes...
aRghhhH... i just dunno wat to say now.. nothings going rite.. studies.. frenship.. and another problem troubling me since start of yr...

WHY AM I HIDING?

( the author of this blog has taken leave for a couple of days, after he had contacted a moody virus which could cause permanent or temporary harm to his blog readers. Frequent readers are advised to put on 5mm thick lead linned spectacles before viewing this blog.

Children under 12 are advised to be accompanied by a parent while viewing the contents of this blog. If anyone happened to see the author of this blog in public, please do bear with him. He needs some time to recupperate from this terrible illness.)

sometimes
 
i was just lying on e bed.. den i realised i haven blogged..so came back online.. but not on msn..

actually.. life is fading from my life.
wat a contradiction...
i realised.. or sort of found out...
ppl change all the time.. even their interests.. or character..attitude...

nobody would hold a certain liking to something for too long... unless tat ting really becomes part of my life... in my life.. onli one thing has not changed its course.. tat is my heart...

even though dere's a hole rite there.. the hole will always get patched up when tat broken piece rebolt...

however.. try as i could..

some nice songs..
Mr big - i am the one who wants to be your man
Glen Medeiros - Love will always find a reason
Michael W. Smith - i will be here with you

why am i listening to this type of songs... well... it goes with feelings.. since last yr.. march 27.. i never ever changed this... from a rock and pop listener.. i chose to end it up with despair..joy of love... why? cos i tink tat love is still the most mysterious and powerful thing in this world...

haiz...
nothing much to say le.. today quite ok.. except tat mucus and cough still on... other than tat..a fter a few scoldings in dnt.. things went rather smooth....

tml i wanna wake up early go sch early.. but why am i still here.. the medicine supposed to have already knocked me out.. my will ba...

sux.. everything changed. but beauty remains..
how true is this sentence?

 

Nothing to lose
 
i will go all out.. nothing to lose.. time is running out..

my dnt project is in a mess... i need to finish within this month.. cross fingers... but tml maynot be so prominent.. cause still sick..

released my stubborness for once and went to see a doc after my fren keep pestering me to see until i realli sick until i can't take it...lol
he say my kidney there is the vein suddenly got injured or wat... dunno.. den say my dizziness and vommitting is due to my flu... problem is... i got those symptons even b4 flu... i wonder..

today was boring.. basically cos i sian sian.. walk sluggishly .. climb up stairs can even tire me le... now gotta take medicine le... i starting to work hard le. but i won't tell anyone else.. i will let my results prove everyone wrong.. my teachers.. some of my frens who tink i can't make it...

Light up the fire !

My accidental day..
 
today was a mixed up of feelings.. ok lets start

morning hesitated to wake up.. studied for geog test abit.. den go sch take test.. in bus decided to sms rusydi to apologise.. took geog test with ease..although some parts i got write crap...

after tat eat den went to dnt room.. damm lame.. step inside kena scolded like siao... yf called me.. den was raining... so i decided to go home instead of doing dnt.. josh told me he left a msg on my blog this morning..
thought he will scold me or something.. so gentle.. haha.. buddy. thanks

after tat everything went smootly with me.. once i reach the bus stop.. no. 9 came.. once i reach my block.. my lift came.. had time to read comics.. go bathe and rushed out to meet yl to give him his boots.. met with the others to go crd.. had to wait for sometime cos some others were eating first.. so went to woodlands.. was lost.. we took 911.. then in e end.. a kind uncle took 5 of us into a taxi.. tanks.. his voice and language like mr mustafa like tat.. so kind.. and humourous!..

go there watch link performance.. damm sian.. saw they all take award.. saw a bastard.. flirt.. nvm. don care abt him..

after tat informal part.. hj and wt left..i was tinking too.. but then.. stayed on to chat.. it was worth the wait as the informal part was a smashing hit... damm song.. first part was the balloon team.. our team was tkss.. duh.. den had 4 balloons tied to our knees.. i was one of the few with the 4 balloons still intact after we played a great game of catching other sch to burtst their balloons.. in e end i was disqualified as they say my balloons too small.. bleah!..
after the thing.. i felt like vommitting and dizzy feeling again... felt like fainting.. recovered in time..next up was a dance chroreographed by john sir.. damm nice..fun.. i loved it.. danced to the tune of accidentally in love..
after tat was some campfire songs and mass dance.. den got saboed by my own unit to go up and stand on a table to dance.. then saboe another tkg girl which i noe.. yu ching to dance.. den very awkward.. keep banging into each other...

after tat sang our school song proudly.. damm loud.. it was the first time i witness such a loud voice..united as one...

overall.. CRD was A GREAT THING FOR ME!!!!
it was the happiest time i had for times.. i got wat i want.. during the event... rusydi msged me..withdrawed one of my heart's block

when i felt giddy dat time.. after the mass dance... some sir or ma'am got say scream like its ur last day.. i thought over it.. even if this would be my last day... i wouldn't mind..
nah.. i wanna go see doc liao..

after tat go home tat time a bit moody.. nothing much... just tat i haven been able to do one more thing tat i wanted to do...

overall quite a nice day for me... the end of the road for red cross for now.. graduate le.... thanks all for making my life so enjoyable.. so peaceful ...

Now then i know i was
 
wrong..

am i wrong..

today was another hazardous day for me
i feel like putting everything to the back of my head..
i don wanna think about a school.. cca.. tests... dnt.. friends.. my heart..
i just want to find a place where i can tink of nothing... nothingness.. i just don want these things let it stay in my mind.. i want to let go... of everything i have..

happiness .. sadness.. anger.. jealousy.. lameness.. all my feelings.. gone.

normal day until last part.. got physics practical.. one of my classmates took my specs to play.. den i din get it back.... now i ask around where my specs... everyone say they din take..
i was damm pissed when rusydi scolded me instead. we start a quarrel.. den pass by each other stare and scold.....

even in bus.. i can hear him scolding me.. " there's  a person same class with me sitting in front....."

after tat went to simei.. got abdominal pains in the mrt.. really sudden.. i dunno.. now not pain..
den after tat felt the dizzy and vomitting feeling again.. slammed my bag against a pole.. den felt my world spin around..  after coming down from the steps to walk to the bus stop.. i felt a sharp pain at my back.. kidney there... near to backbone too... it look my old injury.. but then it looked like kidney pain too.. i went to sit for 20 minutes in the cc... den felt better b4 going home.. then rain fell on me..

i dunno wats happening to me.. i know that something is wrong with me.. maybe its fatigue.. or.. wat. i very scared something will happen to me one day... when i am alone.. last year i suddenly collasped while playing basketball.. my back is total numb and pain... can only lie down like an idiot.. move my body one time .. back pain like siao.. but tat time friends were around me... i want to go see doctor soon.. on sunday maybe..  do a full body checkup ba..

i hope my parents allow me and accompany to see the doc.. i'm very scared.. first time in my life.. i felt.. i don wanna lose anyone in my life anymore after today's quarrel with frens and this...

after some tinking. i noe i am wrong.. how can i anyhow accuse ppl of misplacing my specs..its my own responsibility.. i better clean it up..  how do i go on apologising...

i hope. i wish. good luck to ppl taking oral tml.. u can do it one.. believe in yourself.. change other ppl 's belief to your strength.. belief overpowers anything else...

blogging out .. yH..
later i just wanna go ride bike as fast as i can.. let out my problems.. let out my feelings..  don wanna keep everything to myself again.......

sorry to anyone if i annoyed with this pesimestic post.. don scold me.. don say i am wallowing in self pity.. i just want someone who can talk with me over everything..

If its' wrong ..
 
if its wrong to tell the truth.. how can i survive?

today sux..
rushed dnt all e way..
sian
dnt tat time.. wanted to complete my testing of artefact... but found out tat my block was missing... damm it.. die already..surely kena scolded by everyone again..

i didn't tell anyone i lost it.. except tat i asked mr mustapha whether he saw it.. tats all.. for the rest of the 2 periods.. i was trying to figure out how to make a new one.. haiz...

futile effort ba..
before i left the workshop..i overheard mr mus asking other ppl why i look so glum.. haz..
after keeping my stuff.. he tried to say tat maybe mr koh kept it.. but then. i still tink its my fault for not keeping it well.. told me to smile.. don look so glum..

perhaps ba.
on e way to chinese class.. mr nirav called to me.. another incident.. mr tan called out to aaron and me.. small sch isn it..

then met mr koh.. i told him my part i cannot find.. he was puzzled.. there goes my hope. sucks.

nothin.  much for e day ba.. i want to go buy my keychain for horoscope le.. but then  my fone like oso cannot hang liddat.z

Glen medeiros - if i knew..
 
said it was over
and im slowly dealin
but deep inside there's this awful pain im feeling
i wonder when it will end
when can love start again
 
told myself that you probably need some time
and maybe then you would come to change your mind
but now i know i was wrong
guess i gotta be strong..
i gotta move on
 
though in time things will heal in my heart
but right now im just falling apart yeah
if i knew that you still love me
i could.. undo the pain i caused
and i would take it all away
so you'd stay
but its too late for that
coz your not coming back ...no more   
ohhhhhh
 
so much i'll never have the chance to say
though im still hopin that you come back one day
but dont know why i pretendwhen i know in my heart
i wont see you again
 
though in time i will have to let go
right now i just need you to know yeah
yeah if i knew that you still love me
i could.. undo the pain i caused
and i would take it all away
so you'd stay
but its too late for that coz ur not coming back (no more)
 
don't wanna have to close the door
and i dont want another view no more
is there nothing that i can do to change the way you
feel coz if i knew (if i knew)yeah yeah
yeah.. coz baby if i knewwwww...
if i knew that you still love me
then i could.. undo the pain i caused
and i would take it all away so you'd stay
but its too late for that
coz you're not coming back (not coming back)(no more)
 
wah.. damm sad song.. damm nice.. haiz..

Recently...
 
yesterday nitez never blog.. hmm.. yesterday morn went grandma hse as usual.. got a dog after buying 2 meals.. eventually gave to fren.. haha
 
den afternoon went out to do hw.. oso set my prelims and o levels target.. quite good yest ba.. some funny stuff happen when a man keep holding his left hand to pretend to talk to someone.. walk in walk out of starbucks..
 
when nite came.. i felt like vomitting more.. i dunno why.. since friday or thurs.. i been dizzy dizzy when there's a sun.. and at nite.. or when there are alot of ppl.. or just suddenly.. dunno ah.. lucky 2 days ago.. the car was not very near me when it honked.. today a bit better.. onli got 2 times happen such things.. i tink is since i eat the durians i like this.. i avoiding durians now.. the smell will make me faint now..sian
 
recently.. my memories are flashing back to me in dreams.. day or nite.. its like telling me smthing.. tat i wanna noe.. and i gotta noe..
yesterday dreamt of e same person again.. this time abit e.. lame.? gross too.. shall nt elaborate too much.. but then dunno why..
 
my dreams are not being controlled.. it just suddenly came to me.. there's gotta be a hidden meaning behind it.. hmm.
 
today some classmates pissed me off. alot.
after sch got some science test which was boring.. slept. damm tiring..
 
winter wish playing on my com now although now not yet christmas season...hmm.. z
 
blog out now.
 

If it takes a thousand miles to reach your heart
If It takes forever to fill the hollows
Even if it takes eternity
To wait for you in the endless crossroads
 
Don’t worry, I won’t give up now
Cause I know what my heart tells me to do
The little voices in my twisted heart
I can only see the one path ahead
 
Oh baby, please tell me what to do
How much I love you
You ought to know
I’ve been chasing over a lifetime
 
I will wait for you in the spring
collecting all the cherry blossoms
Seeing my reflection on the still waters
such a image…I’m so sad
 
Day and night
I fall into a trance
Thinking of you and your lovely eyes
But I’m ain’t missing them as much
As much as your heart and soul
 
Wishing upon a lonely night
Sparked by the shooting star
Can’t bear to part you
Don’t want to see you always so sad
 
Crossing the dunes of sand
Seeing thousand mirages of you
everyone else that I see needs water
But the only thing that I need in this desert
Is you
 

The memories of you and me
Crossing my mind
and uncrossing my heart
Feel so troubled never before,
oh god please tell me what to do
 
I rather be chained up and be struck
By the streaks of lightning in the sky
Than be in this empty situation
thou shall not leave
But I will be hurt
 
thy has his own wishes and hopes
But all that just breaks away from me
Still dreaming of the miracles
That may happen on this day

Truly love you, please don cry
it hurts me everytime I see you sob
everytime I bleed doesn’t compare
with the pain you suffered everytime
 
now everyone tells me to go
go for that you and find the key
to unlock the millions of door
showever behind those doors
Are the billions of keys that I need

As I look over the seas
And the vast oceans that flows
Looks like they have been formed
Of tears of sorrows
 
I can only guess that’s you
But of course I wished not to
I rather see the dam of blood
Those of mine
suffering in pain
lifeless and meaning no more left
 
I aim to make your life runs ‘gain
To love you inside and out
Not just your temper
And your smile
 
But also to see you beating my head
maybe because that’s why I’m dumb
and why I am not suited to be yours
everybody says I am a loser
But there’s always you believing
 
If you gave me that power
Why should I give up on you?
I must stand and carry on
to push you ahead of me
 
how I wished I can be there
when you are so sad and need someone
I give you my shoulder for you to cry on
And perhaps as a bear for you
for you to hug as when you like
 
I always fantasize you and me
standing alone in the vast blue sea
holding each other by the hands
enjoying the sunset on the horizon
and watching the starscounting each one
Side by side with you resting on my shoulder
How I relish all these moments.
Dreams………….
By yonghock… to you…cheers…
 
ok this is funny.. i found this sections in my com. called "msn chats".. then digged out this old poem tat i wrote.. i can't remember if i sent it ..
realised tat last time i tok was kind of retarded.. but then.. some parts
were nice.. sianz.. i tink some parts of the poem is lame.. but then tats wat describes my feelings at tat time ba...
 
 
 

Happy ending? no.
 
i wanted to wake up and go online yesterday.. but then as usual.. i put the alarm clock at the am slot instead of the pm slot..hai.. dunno why recently..e way i am responding to ppl in sluggish and tired.. even to ppl i'm close to.. someting is in my mind.. someting is stuck there..
 
nowadays.. my life has dimmed down.. its been boring.. dead. lifeless.. i need to change.. or perhaps i need a change.. i was stoning yest when i recalled something...
 
yest i went to marine parade after prize presentation.. when i came back... wat happened half a year ago suddenly flashed back to me.. memory jolt. i remember i was like a mad man.. shouting.. running.. tink i broke.. i entirely suppased my own mind.. if only i noe how to control myself then..
 
Avril lavinge's My happy ending.. not happy though.. it is so frusted... tired..
 
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something you said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
held up so high On such a breakable thread
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be
 
You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...
 
You've got your dumb friends
I know what they say
They tell you I'm difficult
But so are they
But they don't know me
Do they even know you?
All the things you hide from me
All the shit that you do
You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be 
 
It's nice to know that you were there
Thanks for acting like you cared
And making me feel like I was the only one I
t's nice to know we had it all
Thanks for watching as I fall
And letting me know we were done
 
angst ridden song..but i dunno why everytime now when i open my com. this is the first song i will play.. so much for my happy ending man... yesterday nite played 2 bball matches.. before that practise shooting.. not bad 95% on target. 70% chop..
but then e problem is i cannot handle pressure in match.. first match 2 on 2.. uncle and me won.. 11-7.. i scored onli one point.. next match was better.. 11-1.. i scored 5.
 
today i gonna go do hw. siaNZ.....
I am vindicated..
i am selfish
i am wrong
i am right
i swear i'm right
i swear i knew it all along..
i am flawed..
but i am cleaning up so well...
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself ..
 
Like hope
Dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption

Scary...
 
 
just woke up from a nightmare..
slept accidentally yesterday.. in a weird position too i tink..
 
i dreamt of sch.. i dreamt of a person.. i dreamt of people.. we were in a room.. playing games.. then they decided to close lights..then i went out to buy stuff... when i came back.. something bad already happened to tat person.. urghhhh...
 
terrible dream man... hope i don get to have such nightmares. i'm so scared tat tat person will be hurt... phew
 
ok.. later i gonna go for some stupid speech day to get an award.. after tat no plans.. dunno ah.. maybe go out do hw..
 
still early... shd i go back to slp.. nah i shd not.. i scared i will nightmare again.. tink i shd just stay online.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

H.O.P.E

as long as u are still living..
there's hope.. as long as u keep believing..
there's nothing tat u cannot do...

i quite angry at some ppl.. wat attitude..
and illegal selling of ..
dot

today i am gonna tok abt 2 things

Enthusiasm.
i always had enthusiasm in most things i do.. especially my cca.. i tink u need to have enthusiasm in order to give ur best for tat ting u do.. otherwise.. even if u say u will contribute.. it is futile.. it is only a shadow then.. cos.. the work u put in.. will not taste as sweet as when u are enthu..

lets say.. a bored person would study just the minimum criteria to pass..
an interested person would however would study all the way..

THAT is e difference.. hope ppl learn from it.

Attitude.
there's no such ting as bad attitude and still worth commendable..
for me.. i tink.. a person need to have a good attitude all along.. to be commended.. if he just have attitude and contribution for just tat period.. just to want someting for himself.. then tat is WRONG.

another thing ba

i will based my promotion criteria on
Attitude
Enthusiasm
Contribution
Work Rate
Performance

ppl who fulfil not onli the least .. but near to the maximum of wat he or she can achieve. den i will give recommendation. nothing else

ok.. today was pretty bad..i took my new bag to sch today
cos noting much to bring.. except tat i forgot to bring my PE attire..
but then still played bball la.. still so so ba.. except miss some sitters..

after recess was disaster.. chinese we read some stuff for oral later..
dnt i kena banged by koh .. haz.. the worst scolding for a long time.. i could even sense tat he and mr mustapha gave up on me.. literary..

the climax came when he asked " where is your folio ".. obviously i had to lie.

so now he wants to see it on thurs.. hai.. hai..
now i wanna do the rest of my dnt project mostly by myself.. i don wanna be looked down

but then i noe koh was trying to help me in a way.. so i am appreciating and not blaming him

oral was shaky.. i was nervous..damm. hm wished me luck b4 tat test.. cos i was rite after her.. not sure whether she heard my well blessings..
jeromy looked confident. he was all the time though.. hm look wasted.. i look shit.

i went there.. pronounce wrongly becos of nervousness... but then the topics was quite easy.. but i couldn't pick my mind correctly.. so in e end.. i tink got average marks ba

after sch just did a few stuff den type blog le.. S I A N z.

sux.

the only one who matters is you.

i believe there's a hero in all of us

today shall be a long post..

cause suddenly think got thing to write..
i feel tat i changed alot since last yr..
i remember the first few times we actually got together.. i agitated u .. by teasing u.. i noe u perhaps won remember le.. but every thing tat we do together will forever in my mind.

last yr..
i used to aggitate ppl with my words.. teasing.. i noe i changed.. maybe not tat much.. maybe not to all ppl.. but to ppl.. certain ppl.. i hope i have been a good friend.. =) ...

my thinking have changed alot too.. throughout this journey i take.. i have been influence by ppl and events i encounter on the way..
my life has been here becos of u all

i'm glad. just to have u by my side.


ok.. lets shy the topic and get back to my day
my day has been mixed.. morning come sch tat time.. quite ok.. den got tat stupid speech day ting.. after tat my morning is sad. sad. downcasted.. dunno why.. just don feel like myself.. after recess much better.. nothin much happened.. tml is my chinese oral.. i damm scared..

haiz.
sianz.
tml got another day ahead of me

spiderman 2 was great..
got alot of life moving lines
there are sometimes u have to sacrifice wat u want.. sacrifice ur dreams.. cos u have to.

i believe there's a hero in everyone.. to motivate and encourage on..
yea
there's a hero for me.
to move me.

yea.
i'm glad..

80 Posts

80 posts le.. wonder if i am gonna keep it up.. yest never blog.. cos bro use com.. den i abit tired...

went hj hse yesterday.. he don let me play this play there... nvm la.
not so angry.. later i wanna go comm centre use internet maybe 1 or 2 hours.. cos i wanna play runescape.. lol

They said you wouldn't make it so far ah ahhhh
and ever since they said it, it has been hard
but never mind the nights you had to cry
cause you would never let it go inside
you work real hard and you know exactly what you want
and need so believe and you can never give up
you can reach your goals
just talk to your soul and say

Chorus:
I believe i can
I believe i will[oh i will]
I believe i know my dreams are real[are real]
I believe i'll chant
I believe i'll dance
I believe i'll grow real soon[thats why]
and that is why i do believe

V2:
Your goals are just a thing in your soul ah ahhhh
and your know that your moves will let them show
you keep creating pictures in your mind
so just believe that they will come true in time
it will be fine leave all of your cares and stress behind
just let it go let the music flow inside
forget all your pain and just start to believe

Chorus:
I believe i can[i believe i can oh yea}
I believe i will
I believe i know my dreams are real[all my dreams are real]
I believe i'll chant
I believe i'll dance
I believe i'll grow real soon
and that is why i do believe

(Freestyle)

V3:
Never mind what people say
hold your head high and turn away
with all our hopes and dreams
i will believe even though it's not for me
i won't give up i'll keep it up
look into the sky
i will achieve all my needs
all my beliefs
whoa oa oa YEA

I believe by yolanda adams.. the lyrics nice nice..
make me motivated

competitiveness

the damm topic
the damm word
this is the word tat i
couldn't pronounce properly for english oral today.. lame sia..

today oral sux.. officially..

morning quite funny sia.. got one dog..
i took mrt.. stepped up the escalator..
see the bloody stupid dog in the mrt station !!!... LOL

thoought kena caught le.. but while i was wwaiting for the bloody train.. the dog run up the stairs.. clever sia.. den the control station staff still chasing.. made quite a nuisance.. run around and run inside the train!!.. then run out.. then down the stairs.. dots..

go sch sian.. tml got test and dnt... SIAN.. lately have not been paying attention in class.shall improve on it by next week..

S I A N .. i don wanna hide anymore.. i WANNA EXPRESS WAT I FEEL!!!!!!!! *out of breath and faints

waited

i waited so long..
if u asking do i love you this much..
i do.

dunno where i was going
till tat day i found u..
how u open my heart..
to a new paradise..

loving u till my dying day..

i will love u still.. from the depths of my soul..
its beyond my control..

yes i do.. cherish u..

one of nicest love songs around.. i do by 98 degrees.. sort of stir up my feelings after listening to the only ting tat matters and i do..

today nothing much.. aaron got sailing competition so never come.. had to take his duties.. quite ok ba.. except for cme .. dotted. damm angry
i damm angry.. why some ppl take life so simply..

"smoke smoke la.. why care? not ur father or mother rite? "
i simply don understand.. they simply don understand at all.. how smoking kills.. my father almost died of smoking.. he went for operation.. den now.. he's back into it.. i wished tat cigarettes was never invented.. who the damm idiot who created it..

smoking kills.. it kills lives.. it claims ur closest lives.. why does some ppl just heck care abt smoking.. we shd help those who are smoking and stop them.. not just sit and watch.. .. sux.. i hate smokers...

back to e day.. after recess dnt.. mr koh never attend.. was way productive.. manage to spray paint my pvc pipe.. and bracket..
oso managed to do finish the adjustable thingy.. all thanks to mustafa!..
oops.. mr mustafa..
now i realli beginning to see my hard work coming out... damm nice...

chinese. sianz.
after sch maths. sian. hard paper.
wanted to buy one piece 29 can't find though..
so went eat wu xiang.. eat half tat time.. saw cat.. feed those 2 cats the rest..

otherwise..

time passes so quickly.. within a blink.. we are miles apart.. not realli miles apart.. but can i keep my promise? the promise to myself to protect u always..? its been a year.. no.. a year and a quarter.. i wonder how long can i keep it inside my heart.. last time was a freak disaster... seriously dunno wat i shd do next...

but.
just walk where i am heading ba.. my heart will lead the way for me
=)

Illusions

are dreams meant to be fantasy?
are thoughts meant to remain unreal?
are facts never gonna be twisted?


yeah.. this world tat we live in
this life tat we lead..
its not perfect?
even though we want it to be..
there will be flaws everywhere.
yet.. its different when u put in ur best
its different when u lead ur life through happiness
..

its not meant to be happy.. nor smooth sailing.
but its better to lead ur life smiling than grumbling.
if u have problems let it out.. share it with ur fren..
tok it out. u will feel better.. shout it out..

haz.. wat am i toking man..
this days doing dnt keep hearing the reason.. damm nice..
love it man..
today don have dnt though.. came to sch tirely.. took taxi.. then no $$ le.. lucky aaron declared snack fest with lots of prawn crackers in his bag.. i did my share with cream breads.. jimmy brought along some crackers too.. so did alvin with a packet of m&ms.. lol..


Pe no pe...so some of our class went down to play bball.. won't same too much abt my performance..just tat someone irritated me.. sec 3 guy.. but i irritated him back aniway..

after tat hist test.. dots.. recess spent pathetic 40 cents..
kena whacked by vernon.. dotted. lucky baba never..

after geog teacher talked to me.. saying abt family.. hai.. i shd treasure the time i have with my mum and dad more.

tats it. after sch friggin stupid eng test.. mrs chee .. lol..lol..lol

automonous status.. tk got it.. our class was " HOLIDAY HOLIDAY " ..LOL

i feel guilt for something tat i have done..sigh.

i feel down oso becos of something else..
perhaps i'm really missing

Stranglehold

dis is like a stranglehold
constantly depriving me of air
of light.

sian.

last 2 days was tiring .. i had some productive work in dnt today.. going make new modifications to my cannon.. tested my mobile cannon today.. mr koh won allow it though.. cause he say its too mobile or wat...lol....

nothing much happen ba.. the normal days of school life.. yesterday played basketball after returning homw from jimmy hse.. greece power man.. great.. was quite bloated after tat enormous meals of 40 nuggets, 9 fish macdippers.. 2 cokes.. 2 pepsi twists.. some snacks.. 1 coke float sundae.. one mac spicy double...one fries.. and a homecooked meal... wat the.. haha... eat too much le.. then now sick.. cannot blame other ppl ah...haha.. hope this time won be as cham as last time.. now feel body weak weak and throat very pain.. keep coughing in bed.. and now. i hope after taking panadol and slping would be much better tml.. byez

Belief

she believes in me.. nice song..haha

was yest. friday? haha.. ya.. oh..
hmmm.. monring come sch slack and slack.. nothing much... din noe last time got a studuent called ah hock one.. no wonder so many tchers call me ah hock le..

recess nothing much again.. hang with gc.. i like become pests to them.. but to me they are frens leh..haha..dotted... after sch.. nothing much.. just supervise fd for a while.. all e while tat afternoon.. i thought tat it was the end of my red cross life in sec sch.. yeah.. or so i thought.. went back home damm tired..

den at nite.. i received a call from huda ma am.. she sounded desperate..and needed help.. so i decided to do my best to help her.. argued or sort of ask ppl to join the fa duty...sianz .. in e end.. managed to do it..

ToDaY -
morning wake up like a pig.. i woke up at 5.20 ++.. den went back slp.. cos i actually put my alarm clock at 6am... tink i used to everyday alarm le... went sch for listening compre...soso ba...dunno whether can good marks..after tat went prepare full u and head back to the land of memories.. HQ..
b4 going kharriyah saw me and smiled.. i smiled back and wish her band good luck
..went there in a sunken mood..sort of.. i was rather brought back.. memories started haunting me.. shucks..

after tat went board e bus.. i thought i saw sheena.. wasn't sure though.. den went alight tat time.. saw her name tag... yeah.. gotta be her..hahaha.. she din see me though..so i was emergency first aider.. got stationed at a great view.. but at first no spectator placce.. with yf and wt. den wt got substituted for a dunno wat name one.. damm funny.. throughout the duty.. had fair share of humor -- Best drum major who ah??? ahahahaha" ... and the lame sir..oops..shhh.. and of cos.. our own TK BAND WININING!!!!!.. again.. haha

oso.. there was dis man who directed traffic damm funny.. the at home got rubbish bin thing..dotted... after tat ate alot of buns and biscuits.. den went to eat..even more dots.. carrot cake + teriyaki chicken.. den went home..

yea!.. tml is euro.. final.. gonna catch it with macs..!

crying alone in the dark

these few days has been nothing short of nothingness to me.
not tat i am complaining of lonliness..
not tat i hav no happiness in my life.
but tat something is fading away from my life.

haz.
today nothing much.. found out in e morning tat i hav lost my folio..hai.. redo baz... better started working man.. if not sure die..sunday i shun bian do.. then after tat was schz.. cme lesson.. boring. after tat ft contact time.. tcher ask us select commitee.. first 10 votes all 10 different person.. including me.. su go vote me.. dotted.. then left with 2 votes.. aaron had 4 votes.. making him the favourite for the chair..hahaha.. dotted...
but while i was laughing .. i sank when the last 2 votes came my way.. argh..damm it.. but i thought over.. it .. since i was selected by tcher to be vice chair as well. i will fulfil my duty ba.. try give in my best to e class.. last yr le.. we planning to frame or just paste a picture on the notice board.. A2 size. .. tat would be nice... the macdonalds discount came at a rite time... so there will be nuggetty full of meals.. mmmsz....

could i ever get e chance to express myself?
wat i am toking to is just a plain gray set..
perhaps i should go get a shave soon..
my life's changed since u come my way..
but. silence is silence.
ur heart's pulled away. but ur image will forever be in my heart.
time passes, people change.. but not the memories..

"i hate to be with someone new"
i don wanna to forget.. becos its not rite..
i don wanna regret for the third time
i hate to be looking myself against the mirror with tat frown
i want to see ..

.I need a peace of mind.