Thoughts..

today shall be a long blog.. a long long one..

i dunno if she will read my blog le..
or even if she reads.. i'm not sure if she will read the below words.. or even think its her..

just say out all my feelings ba.. its not gd to put it all inside...

don read it if u tink u will get offended.. or disgusted.

..

i been trying so hard.. its useless.. why try to forget her when i can't?
compared to tat idiot.. wat does he do? go around chasing ppl.. den if cannot... label those girls as lousy? ... just wan gf for show.. and is so pervertic... not in relationship. means can touch and get close? ... i am not sastified realli...

i realli..sometimes just don understand.... was she never meant to be mine? does she don want other ppl to tink there's something between us... does she tink i am.. a wrecked person?

whoever be with me would be labelled as a no taste and loser.. yea yea... why am i like this..
i am untidy.. sloppy.. slp in some lessons.. behave ungently... yea... but i am trying to change... i am trying to improve on my physical aspect of myself...

but can anyone pls notice my mental and emotional part of me???

i get hurt.. i am a human after all.. i have a heart after all..
only when there's no other ppl.. den perhaps things will be normal.. when other ppl.. she shys me...

perhaps.. i am just.. ordinary..

i am not a person with a talent... but my only talent.. sadly. is one ppl can't see.. my patience to continue to care and love for the person i still have in my heart is never changed..

i am just down the drain now...
i just want u to noe.

i still love you.

even how hard u may push me away..
even if mouths start wagging..
even if bastards get in my way..
even if u continue to be hurt..
even if my care for u is turned into hate..
even if i get scolded for caring for u..
..i will not leave ..

i will always be here... until the day u find ur true happiness..

i been telling myself tat maybe i shd move on.. maybe u were not destinied to be mine..
yet i am still trying my best to be with u as a silent whisper to guide u..

i want to do well in exams.. why? partly for my future.. but u are half the reason.. without u in my heart.. do u tink i still want to bury my heads in something i don like at all...

although i noe tat after my os.. and tertially life.. i will go to ns.. after tat.. i may want to leave this country already.. i may not be here anymore..it is just a matter of when.. maybe i'll choose to leave after my o's.. or after my tertially education.. but i don want to be hurt anymore...

i don want to have images of u constantly oscill my head.. i just want a break from this life.. so stressful...
i want to go back to my village.. so when tat time comes.. i may not be able to see or hear u again..

hai.

tats why i still so hesitant in joining vis.. i scared i will be able to serve for a few years onli.. i pondered on the question when my teacher asked me whether i want to go back to thailand after my o's..

maybe. it all depends.

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back to my day.. today was my last day in red cross..
sad event.. morning i went for geog test... for me quite easy..
finished 10 minutes b4 time..tats gd.. one essay in 25 minutes.. tat means attempting 1 mark per minute...
i hope i can do it in the exams too..

after tat went for dnt.. saw sw and yf sitting in e canteen. i decided not to disturb them.. cos i tink yf angry at me .. dunno.

so i went out for a haircut.. went to a salon 12 bucks..
botak now.. haha..feels quite nice...

went back to dnt.. saw them but.
did a lot of sanding.. ready for laquer le..
my project gonna finish in 1 weeks time possibly..

after tat went out for a break.. saw wt, yf and sw.. saw yf laughing a bit.. but then again.. chose not to go there..

so still with hj sanding...
after tat had to go back.. didn't dare eye to eye her.. so when i saw her turning back.. i immediately turn too.. collected my WO rank.. but disappointed to noe tat others rank still not bought..

it was a quite a nice POC... finally the last day .. in red cross ..my junior gave me a well wishing paper..quite nice...

i love you all at tkrcy.. thanks for the gift..

The End.