Burning

there has been something going around the camp recently.. i just want to clarify some stuff. for those who know what i mean. i have no plans of finding love yet. yeah. right now i am very contented with friendship.. and i happened to have some really great frens out there.. so don attempt to spoil our friendship by starting some stuff..

i hope u all do understand.. i have already seen many frenships infront of my eyes vanish and break down.. i do not want mine to end this way too..

i already said.. this are my feelings as for now.. for the future.. no one can predict.. so i can't say much anyway.. but just to let u all noe.. my scar is still there.. scars take time to heal.. so don expect myself.. to heal so fast.. get me? its a natural process. it either comes to u or it just stays away..

right now i just want to concentrate on building wonderful relationships with my frens around.. ok? for fun can la. but then don guo huo can le.. especially to the other party.. yeah..

i don even noe who will read this. haha..

anyway.. i got a bit the.. in the afternoon.. i was feeling damm uneasy.. when tat person chatted me.. hai. shan't tok abt that in the public in case that person manages to find the way to my blog.. abit uneasy for both parties..

for those who really want to noe wat happened.. just msg me privately.. if i want to tell u.. den i will.. yeah..

otherwise.. today was a boring day.. went to tamp alone. and just walk around.. without buying stuffs.. skipped bball.. went to the pond.. i was very sad when i saw kids throwing litter into the pond.. they just treated it as their playground.. i mean.. the poor fishes and tortises?.. i went around and picked reachable little in the pond.. ... the children's father even did a more disgusting act.. he TOOK .. or shd i say STOLE.. the tortise out of the pond.. i will one day find a way to stop all these.. and by this 2 yrs i must form a team to maintain the pond.. it used to be so beautiful....

Drained out

haha.. this few days are equally tiring.. tats why nvr blog at all.. i can feel my body breaking down and me ageing faster.. today just realised i grown quite a thick mus liao. must go get it off tml. hahha.. since tml is an "off" for me.. or rather today. hahaha.

this whole long week was dedicated to the korean delegates who came to singapore.. they are really fantastic.. fun ppl to be with.. despite our language differences.. we could get along well..

who could have forgotten the mischievious gal.. the shy one. the fierce one.. the nerdy one.. the cute one. the leftalone guy. hahaha.. its truly astonishing.. we been thru to so many parts of singapore.. hahah.. its damm great.. haha.. learnt alot from everybody.. made some mistakes here and there.. but its ok. cos i will learn from them..

"the hardest part of making a mistake, is not to avoid it, but to learn from it"

today had a very sad farewell.. or rather mixed emotions.. there's the mischievious gal who cried.. yeah. hahaha. she "like" bing shen .. hahaha.. ok ah.. now this project is tied down.. i gotta get more into my sch as an official VI liao. cannot neglect my roles..

P2 had a surprise for me.. wonderful or sad. i dunno. but i accepted it anyway.. a job at hq as ops centre admin assistant. i just hope it will be a smooth journey.. and strictly no SG!!!

hahahaha.. yeah.. no SCM5590B . i dun wanna see that no. today was tk's first talentime and my first one too..i regret not knowing this wonderful event as before.. its so great!. talentime is a wonderful event and its really interesting.. so many nice and funny performances.. especially the "gay" performance by bartley sec that won them first price in traditional dance.. haha. tat was great.. i tink tk did damm well.. considering tat this is their first talentime and no experience at all.. they really improved alot since the last time i saw them.. great man..

and there was this sadistic tkg "obsessions" drama. sadistic sia. now we noe how tkg ppl are crazy. oops. actually all tk ppl are crazy. tk = tkg +tkss (not telok kurau) haha. we cheered really together in unision. there was this period where certificates of participation was issued.. then tk and tkg was in sequence.. then we cheered until lungs expired. haha. hope tat this is the beginning of more exchanges with our neighbour..

i used to tink tkg is not a gd sch. used to tink tat they are a bunch of losers ah. (my true feelings ah) .. but after knowing some tkgs ppl. my view changed. they are really great ppl to hang out with. hahaha. wat the fish.. actually last time i tink all other schs = rivals = losers. childish mindset then.. but now i tink my tinking has matured.. alot..

after ttime.. when to eat at mac riverside.. den after tat took a little walk with fellow VIs to ps.. den after tat took a walk down orchard road, passed by mandarin, to centrepoint.. hahaha.. den head off to paragon to meet jf sir. haha. then we settled down for a drink @ the coffee bean. i had big gulp as i din wanna waste $$ on the drinks at coffee bean.. den as we are going to go home on the last train.. yc , evonne, and qiu tong were still chatting at ps. i was like omg. when yc tell me tat they are going to take train home. den i said " hey. we are on the last train" .. LOL

den they decided to ton.. and i felt tat it wasn't appropriate for a single guy to go join them.. so just head home. i had a wild idea den.. instead of taking the last bus.. to rest. i walked home. yeah. u din get me wrong. i WALKED home.. this time i has suppased the pasir ris to bedok trip(may seem short. but is long becos i got lost) ...from dhoby ghaut to BEDOK!...

along the way, i had several motivations to carry on.. there were times i just wanted to hail a cab and give the bill to my parents.. but i hanged on.. the thought of the trio still awake just pushes me on.. and of cos. i got lost as always. hahaha.. first lost point was at suntec/raffles..

but luckily thruout this period as a VI in training.. i had learnt several hiking skills.. i managed to get my directions rite after tat.. and only a brief loss at stadium prevented me from carrying on.. but otherwise .. its really an achievement for me.. hahaha.. 20 km ba..

along the way.. i took 3 breaks.. first one is coffee + newspaper.. 2nd one was to catch the man u versus boro match.. managed to just see rooney's astonishing effort..

along the way.. saw some police officers.. haha. they thought i foreign.. but they gave me their blessings when they heard abt my journey.. yeah.. some directions help from them too..

ok.. la. nothing else to blog liao.. i am so tired. feel like slping.......

but then again.. oh well..

Decisions

its been quite a while since my last post eh..? hahaha.. just feel so tired nowadays.. my legs are slowing me down.. my body is beginning to tear apart.. basically.. u are seeing the rapid ageing of me..

quite some things happen recently.. east coast farewell to ck sir.. aka dunking day. reccee for macritchie hike.. sfa trainer course.. well lots..

of cos recently.. questions have hit me hard on reality.. its very difficult to make a decision.. but then i know tat i still have to make one of my own .. yesterday's one.. was very difficult.. i was in the middle... and had to settle with a coin flip.. i said that if heads i will leave with them. tails leave with the other. it turned out tails.. but they interpreted my tails as a heads.. so i left with them..

of cos i have that inner feeling of guilt. but in life.. u cannot have the best out of both worlds.. sometimes u just have to choose a path.. and never turn back..
but that oso doesn't mean the end of the journey.. becos.. along the path.. there will be trails to lead u to the other path.. its like.. all paths in the world are linked to each other somehow..

so.. its just a matter of ur tinking.. its not a matter of turning back on ur decision.. but whether u are going to take trails along the path..

for me, i have chosen my own personal path. not them. not the other.
becos i noe tat along the way.. i noe i can help out them and the other.. it does not neccessary mean tat i am stuck on one path forever in my life..

yeah. hope it clears my mind..
hahha. come on. i have to start buying logistics. tml is korean delegates liao.. ahhaa okok KO out.. going to collect from yc my cans later. haha.

Friends are the most valuable assets in my life..
they are all the elements that makes up my body..
they follow my mind wherever i go..
they never will abandon me..
i will stand right by them..
always..

Suddenly..

Here I go,
scream my lungs out
and try to get to you
You are my only one
I let go, but there's just no one,
no one like you
You are my only,
my only one
My only one
You are my only, my only one

so long nvr blog. the last time i blog.. it was friday or thurs ba.. 2 weeks ago.. my life took a drastic turn..

i was wanting to go to find a job.. earn some cash. get some own pocketmoney..
now it turned into volunteer work for tidal waves victim. it hasn't been a smooth journey.. but it has been a real meaningful one...

i remember.. flocks of ppl coming to donate.. even in the rain in little india.. the 2 indian words i learnt.. rumbal numdri.. which holds so much meaning.. i am really touched by everyone..
i mean.. i personally din noe sg ppl are so kind and generous until i witness it myself.. of cos there are exceptions.. but thats the minority.. i seen it all.. frm 1.50 cheque to 200000 cheque..

this goes out to all the ppl. yeah. don worry. red cross will handle ur money in the way u all want.. its 45 million le.. we are going to close in on the 50 million mark.. wat has started as a 2mth - 1 million target has become a 50 million dream for the tsunami victims..

of cos thru this weeks i have gone thru lots of political stuff.. media.. company.. office .. yeah.. but i don care. i noe it may be unfair for us volunteers.. to be pushed around.. personally. i have been thru some rough patches.. but i noe i have to endure. i cannot throw my temper.. and they are more superior to me.. i must respect them. this is the basic working society..
gosh. i am too young. but i must learn them now. so tat next time. i noe how to deal with them..

but of cos.. this road.. isn't that bad.. i have made alot of new friends.. new ppl.. basically.. i am contented.. i am just glad that i get to spend time working.. joking.. laughing.. and coughing..
haha.. yeah. its a emotional one.. teary too... but i will hold on. i will endure..
i will be more tactful.. there's still a tough learning journey for me.. i cannot just give up now..
after all i have done.. after passing vip.. after passing moi.. after passing fd and rck.. i must not let all my past down.. and of cos. i must fully erase the painful memories of ulc..

i must do it. my dream is still so far away..
go on ..
all the way..