Bend

i just don't realise something eh? its so close to o level results... and i don feel a thing for it.

i mean.. only when my frens bring up the topic on future studies.. den only will i start to think abt wat i am gonna do...

oh well..

i'm so tired to blog now.. but i still think i wanna blog.. dunno why. there are just some thoughts in my mind i want to push out..

yesterday cut my hair. then after a while went to evelyn ma'am's farewell.. i dunno why.. the mood is just not there.. when we say goodbye.. there were absolutely no emotions involved.. its just like a casual bye when u see ur fren...

i am not close to evelyn ma'am.. maybe shd say i only noe her as a tkgs person, an ex tk vi for a short period.. and as a fd instructor...

6 yrs...
wow..
like wat i saw in a blog.. some words really bring me to think.. how many of us will be left to receive her when she comes back.... after such a long time.. how many of us will actually remain..

i dunno.. let time decide..

farewell again brought up another thought of mine.. maybe insignificant.. but it could be one of my future plans.. i had an depth conversation with a good buddy of mine not long ago.. abt 3 mths back..

i was telling him.. on one hand i would want to serve HQ as a vi for a long time.. on the other hand.. i want to go back to thailand.. and settle there for good.. maybe not for good.. but just to take singapore from my head for a while..

i miss my village.. i miss my grandma.. i miss my cousins.. i miss all the ppl there.. i miss the chickens.. the dogs.. the cats... i miss village life..

its been 7 or 6 yrs since the last time i gone back.. its like really a long long absence.. and last yr.. within 2 weeks.. i received news tat 2 of my uncles passed away... one is got infected by aids.. becos of a stupid needle.. the other one got accident.. tats so tragic..

i wished i had gone back with my mum last yr.. but time limited my plans..
i always had this mindset.. i want to make it out big in singapore.. then i will probably.. find sometime to settle down.. have a wife who shares the same thinking with me.. den we will earn enough money.. den will go to thailand to settle down.. den i will start to improve the hygiene over there.. so that nothing like the aids incident happens again...

but tats like such a fantasy thinkning... i doubt i can find anyone who will be willing to settle down with me in thailand.. maybe tat girl.. can just come with me to thailand for sometime.. and we either go back to singapore or some other place....

haha..
back to reality.. i was thinking.. after my ns.. shd i go to thailand and live there for sometime... becos i know tat by tat time.. my frens in red cross.. maybe only some will remain.. but most will be gone.. tats reality..

then perhaps i can take a break from this life..

on the other hand.. i really do not want to leave my frens behind.. even now.. i treat them as crowned jewels... hiaz.

this thought abt my hometown.. can wait ba. i have already decided and told my parents.. i want to go back this yr.. yeah.. if not i will go crazy one.. i miss life there!

perhaps these are typical thoughts of a so called "foreigner" . i am more of a singaporean.. but then. hahaa

ok la.. i have other thoughts.. but reserve them for later ba...


yh