Puddle of mud

It was just a normal day. Everything was fine. the clouds were in place, the wind had said hi. He sat down and heaved a sigh of relief. Then, he picked up his book..

and read...

The fish has finally gone. its the 2nd fish we had. and yes. it has finally succumbbed to an illness..
and has said goodbye to us. but what dramatic ending..

when i woke up, he was still alright.

after i went and bathe, it was a different story.
now i know why.

the fish had a deep affirnity with mum. he was just waiting for mum to come back from market.. and when she did come back, he jumped. and touch my mums hand. and seemed to said a last goodbye to her, before solemmly resting on the bed of his home.

there he goes. 3 odd years of love, pain, and despair.

i went and left him in peace at a canal near simei.

i said a quiet prayer b4 he left my hand. my hands just din felt like throwing him down. in fact, i was reluctant to carry him.

but anyway.

he has now gone.

what wind.

today the wind has accompanied him down....

I can sense the sadness in place in my mum's heart. but of coause. things will come to an end.
life will never be everlasting. all has to bow down to the time of death.

well.

hope my mum is well ..

ok. after tat took taxi to hq. then ate lunch, took taxi back to home for emergency purposes, realise i din bring my key.. had to trouble my father. dumb me.

then took taxi back. wat a wastage of money today on transport. close to 40 bucks. there goes my money.

then did nothing much. and just went back. forgot to say tat i dropped by at bras besah.

today, took 14 home again.

on the way, i visualised my fish floating down the canal. oh well.

oso, i looked at my reflection, and asked. " Is this me? "

i am on a totally different frequency nowadays. the worst was yesterday.

only certain ppl, will i open up and talk to. while. some ppl, i will just can't find the way to.

in fact, for some ppl i can't even look at their eyes.

and smile.


in the worst case scenario. the some ppl i can't communicate with now, are some of my better friends...

b4 this incident.

and some of the ppl i can communicate with, i don't hang out with them.


Yesterday, a question surfaced.

what if i remained in this frequency .. for a permanent basis? will i be able to survive?
I am sad for some reasons, yet i am happy sometimes.
I can't be the lame myself as usual nowadays. in fact, when i am asked to say something lame, i had to think deeply. i had to search my whole mind. and when a person say something lame.. i just can't laugh or smile..

neither will i cry.


y h