Memories

Nowadays, is rain peltering days. complete with ramdom sunshine and occasional rainbows.

Its not a bad weather. rather, an emotional weather. it tells and reflects many people's feeling. Some ppl may be feeling warm at sometime, some happy. some sad, some moody. there are just so too many emotions to be told.

i ignored the shelter, and ran aimlessly in the rain. That mini adrenaline rush, not as much compared while biking or to a lesser extent, playing basketball..
but still, it was warm for my heart, yet cold on the outside for me.i swiped raindrops from my face and looked up.
i saw the light instead of darkness though.
Thats when i realised.
its not darkness everytime it rains.

its just what your mind puts you through.

Troubled as i have been in recent days, i still managed to find some joy in my life..afterall. who wants to be sad?

today while sitting on the desk of the office while waiting for the peltering rain to stop its onslaught against the weakness of the cameras..
i read every msg i had in my "palmtop" . Well.. not exactly a palmtop now , since i somehow repaired it..
and i read every single msg properly.. before dumping and deleting them...what memories.

there were bad and good ones. it sometimes puzzles me how much support my friends give me..and how much support i give in return...

the countless msges of my dear friends... sending me their well wishes.. wishing me to get well.. hoping my dark spell gets over soon... asking me whether i am alright..
those were...

thoughts well written from the bottom of their hearts..


i really wondered sometimes.. am i really a great guy to what they say. i know i shouldn question what my friends say of me..

but sometimes i do wonder. whther they do say things to cheer me up, make me feel better... or for the sake of it.
of course, there are no good or bad. i feel guilty when friends worry for me. but sometimes i do want encouragement..
while on one hand.. sometimes, i just feel this or that particular person doesn trust me enough.

but on the whole. my friends.. my friends are the ones who make my life bright,no matter how dark the sky could be..there will always be sunlight peeping through...

Sometimes i do neglect my friends.. irritate my friends (most of the times actually).. make them angry.. make them laugh...make them cry..
but i don always mean it.

i am very bad at expressing myself vocally.. i am more of a written person.. i express my thoughts better through writing..

so sometimes, u may be mad at me.. and scold me.. and i don say a word of sorry.. and just stare.. and be silent.. and just allow myself to crawl to one side of the room, while waiting for ur fuse to get back...

i am deeply in thought."what have i done.. hai."
i always wanted to say sorry. but it is just too hard for me to express it well enough.. so when u really see me say sorry .. in a sincere tone..it will be one of the rare times...
i seldom say sorry ba.haiz.but i do feel guilty and deep in my thoughts.. i do repent. and hope for a chance.

thats all ba...

haha. some stuff of mine got more settled today.. now its on my own. tml i gonna go down to settle it..thanks u know who u are for helping me out.
although u don read my blog.

=)