Please do believe me

its hard to believe myself nowadays again..

i somehow,

the angel in my heart, somehow told me that, if i say this view, it means this view, and i won't change my view. and i have been rather forceful of late, trying to put my view only. i am the leader, and there is no other. ppl must listen to me, and not the other way round.

the angel blasted my head and my will.

then the devil made a pact and told me that what i am doing is right.

i find it so difficult to believe why i am doing such things lately.


today, however, i did believe myself, for that moment. i know that moment is super precious to me. because i did see myself through my real reflection. i did know that at that time, i was not affected by my angels and demons. at that time, i know what i was doing couldn't be wrong..

but .

it lasted for seconds. soon. i was hard again. it was painful.

now, i try and try to battle out my inner insecurities, while trying to make the right decisions.. yet each time i will fall.

i am rather tired.

this few nights of relentless assaults on me by my consciousness has knocked me out. i am sick and tired of them.

otherwise, i will treasure that moment of truth. when i truly witnessed my tear drop.

i am not a man without emotions afterall..

thank goodness.


y h