Maybe my prayers are starting to get answered.

the missing walkie talkie battery has been found... in law sir bag.

but thats minor.

i've thought it through.

i have chatted with yl.

its no good to be in this state of mind. it harms u, poisons u.

i need to be the hock who writes H weekly every friday.

i need to have more confidence in myself.

i need to believe in myself more.

i need to push myself more.

i need to take care of myself more.

i am tired. shall take a rest..


y h

just back from praying.

i feel that.. im becoming an adult.

beginning to think like one at least.

from the moment i stepped towards the temple.

to the moment i went home..

it was bliss. tranquil.

its as if, a heavy rock had just got lifted from me.

even the songs that played on my shuffle..

all the soothing songs.

didn even need to skip any songs.


im back at home.
i have msn on.
the song playing is now keep holding on.
my mood now is as dark as the weather.




wheres the light at the end of the tunnel?

just came back from mos.

we went to some restaurant at heeren to eat first. will update more of that on friday.

at first wanted to go zouk. but it was damn crowded and the queue was like more than 2km long.

u know, when all these worries are bugging your head, sometime dancing your way out to thumping music, shaking lights.. drinking.. will make u forget your worries.

just a while.

and now im back at home. the worries come back stronger.

im hit by it stronger and stronger...

how i wish i have a couple of drinks next to me now.

what is my limit before getting drunk?


bah.

all these post seems so suicidal.

i did at first think abt it.

but im not foolish. its not good to end one life for stupid reasons. no it isnt even worth it to end your life, unless you are broke, lost your family, and everything else in the world.


i have no idea why.

nah. at least i have ... hmmm. sunday sentosa outing to look forward to.. iad.

tml and friday.. im gonna go collect my charger frm fiq, den go temple pray. its vesak day..

den rush out my report on friday..

saturday..

i have nothing on. maybe i shd bury myself with more work.. draft out a timeline for the footdrill ppt..


other than that.

its boring.



y h

Social circle

you know. as ur social circle expands.. u find it hard to choose which group u wanna hang out with.

it doesn neccessary mean you are popular, but it could mean that you are still trying to find a "home"

i have no particular "home" that i can feel comfortable in.

maybe my batch mates from vip fit the bill as of now.

but im

missing out on
my sec1/2 classmates, my sec3/4 classmates, my tkrcy squadmates, my other rcy friends, my iad ppl, my clan ppl...

sometimes it tires me out, it makes me sad..

because of negligence, all these social bonds which i had created will have to give way.

and because of prolonged absence from these groups, i will get forgotten, and even if i make one appearance after that, they no longer will update me nor inform me on whats going on.

if i go out with them, it would mean im going in uninvited, which isnt a really nice thing to do.

so essentially im stuck with no social groups.

im anti-social.

i have no friends that i feel specially bonded to, go out regulary, chat regulary. when im on msn, im usually stoning, look at the msn list, while looking for ppl to chat to. which ends up not chatting anybody except if u count yeelong.

that is why i am very happy when ppl include me in mass convos or when they chat to me
i would readily give up gaming for that. now if u ask me go out, i wont hesitate anymore. i don wanna have any more regrets, or be tied down.

i wanna mix out, mix around, talk to, and be talked to, listen to, and be listened to.

close friends.

friends.

people i know.

if i just kept a list of friends i still talk to or go out with, i think the msn list. would be less than 20.

maybe thats abit exaggerated, but its true, i feel left out at times. going out with people, they talked about things i do not know, and when one person in the group feel the awkwardness abt my silence, will try to include me in the group by saying something like dota or what, it will just be brief and after that, im left alone again.

maybe thats why i walk down from dhoby ghaut to bedok so much last year.

im tired.

of being lonely.


im sick.

of not being with anyone.


i want you to take me in,
take me into your home,
nurse me back to health,
and let me be part of you.


how long more do i need to suffer?


---
the above. if u struggled to understand, read, or apprehend, its fine really.
because of the lack of communication i engage with you all, tats why u guys wont understand what im typing.

im so sorry.
im angry, not for this loneliness, but at myself for putting myself in such a situation.

i just wanna bury my head somewhere cold and hide from the fact now.

i updated my blog headers. if u havent notice. about me. portfolio. links. all updated.

sorry for the emotional posts of late.

i cant help it.


y h

So im back.

no h weekly it isnt friday.

back frm camp . had roughly ard 3 hours of slp everyday since thursday..

so im blogging in fatigue now.

yes.

my eyes are shutting on me, my body is barely moving, my mind. slowing down yet still remembering what i wanted to do.

i will save the details abt camp for friday..

right now just wanna blog abt. my feelings, my mood my emotions now.

maybe its fatigue. maybe its the anything im drinking now. rootbeer.

bah. i dont even know what im typing.


its just tat im thinking of

going down the same road again.

finding you.

finding a new you.

finding a new start.

now that i've moved on. ive changed..

its time to ask myself.. that question.

am i ready for it again?

am i ready for the hard falls i will get to suffer, am i ready to experience the high joy of being in it, and more importantly, where are you?

is the new chapter of that life imminent.

is it gonna come?

am i invited to join u all?

so many questions. but no answers as yet.


the time will come. it will.



y h

h-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekly!
Issue#05-may25
publishedbyhockproductions


foreWORD

This will be a super short h-WEEKLY? why? cause its 12am, and h hasnt packed his camp bag, tml has work, and he hasnt settled logs stuff, and best of all he hasnt done the log book.

all right, lets rush this issue out then!


h-LIFE

This is an extremely good week. super.

lets just give the words to H himself.

" I had very very interesting lunch convos with my colleagues, i felt the togetherness for the first time since i joined this office, i could joke with them, i could talk to them, and best is i could communicate with them. they gave me and ashley a farewell lunch on wednesday at kotobuchi restaurant in liangs court.

pretty cool concept, for a moment we thought we had to kneel down (like how the japanese eat) but they improvised it, and dug out a void underneath the table, leaving space for the legs to dangle.

tml is my last day, and time really flies...

first week, i remember, i was asked to do all those dimensioning, and adding of annotations..

now, i get to do reflected celing plans, finishes plan... edit floor plans of xrefs...

i rmb i wasnt even allowed to touch xrefs in my first 3 weeks..

now i am treated like a damn professional..

im happy :)

we celebrated fone's bdae today :)))

and of course p2's farewell.

Farewell, p2, good luck on ur future endeavours!


moodFORECAST

This week's mood : SUNSHINE~

Next week's mood : sunshine through the rain!


h-RECOMMENDS

simple.



shes the one.



man. i love fan yi chen's songs. damn nice. lovestory



firehouse's when i look into your eyes. a very classic power ballad in the 1980s.
its so damn nice. (yeah im a sucker for classics somedays)




my favourite singer of all time. 1980s. glenn medeiros. nothings gonna change my love for you. my fav song of all time. man. he sounds as great live as recorded. this is a live version fyi. many singers have sang this song, but i still think he pulled off the song with the best effect. george benson sang the original version, think glenn sang 2nd, followed by air supply.


tats it for h weekly today. sorry ah tired. and pls note this issue lack formatting. im sorry. very tired.

here i am, in hq using p2s com.

waiting for her come down to settle link camp logs.

have no idea why im not having the i-just-wanna-go-home-and-sleep feeling today.

i want my dinner !!!

man can they finish their meeting in like 0.133050802 seconds?


some random thoughts.

recently ive been struck by my inner self. maybe its surfacing again. the feeling the mood to be ok, alright as defined by society.

and ive been really stuck on something tat is making me ponder a while. maybe not that important, but because of 2 close factors.

one . the interactivity and communication tat is being channeled to me.

two. the type of person channeling the above to me.

all these just seems to be reminiscent of what had been missing for 3 years.

yeah that four years of friendship, or 3 good years of company, all fell apart due to an event that has emotionally(some say physical too) scarred me for past 3 years.

to my best buddy:

i know you are a different type of person from me.

maybe i would say more forceful. maybe i would say more passionate, maybe i would say more daring.

but when it comes to the problem you are facing now, i would say we have both been in the same stage before.

the starting is tough. the reality is hard to accept. the nonchalent reaction you have gotten, so have i, the period after that incident was very tough for me to handle, i cried in sleep, i ran in the rain, i did everything possible to harm myself.

but in the end, what i couldnt change is one dreadful word, which is the fact.

events can come and go, yet we are still stuck in the past, trying to think whats gone wrong, why the person must do that to you, which the level of tactlessness.

but in the end,

its either move on, or stay there and hurt yourself.

i'd say change, for the better, which im glad you're doing.

in fact, your learning curve seems to be way steeper than mine.

dont rush, theres still time,

i know we can still find the one, the truly yours one, someday someday in our lives.

if i can survive 3 years of stagnant activity so can you!

jiayou

NO H WEEKLY PUBLICATION THIS WEEK

The producers of h weekly has gone on a much needed break after long work days without sufficient rest. We hope you continue to support our publication which will resume next friday.


------

BUT, there will be an update of blog :))

This week.

hectic hectic! . 2 weeks to go, (make that one week now) to linkamania camp, to end of SIP, to holiday!

and this week i have not got a second to slack at work. in fact, time seems to pass very fast this week, maybe because i had been working alot this week. had to churn out construction drawings for construction out week today for peranakan museum and also doing door and window schedules for pathlight.

this week, is a good week, i talked alot alot more with my colleagues joking with them and stuff.

oh ya, the nus intern fu han (is it her name?) thought i was CHAN KWANG MING (the senior architect) and asked me for help to set up a drawing O_O. hahahaha. damn funny. den the 2 interns told me that when they came here, they thought i was a very seasoned professional, someone big shot. muahahaha. it dint help tat the day they came in, i was in discussion with boss and director.

and. i finally found out the name of the dining place we went to last month. its BROTH at outram.

and iskandar did out a layout? or is it the restaurant do out the layout of a picture.

the headline of the poster read, "new men of broth"

AND I WAS IN THE PICTURE LOL DAMN FUNNY. they asked me autograph somemore. hahahah.

carlo yong kai and erwin was inside the picture beside me.

hahaha man. i am starting to love my environment!


till then, hope tml will be fun and also work out.

linka games trial.


y h

H-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeekly!!!!!!!
Issue#04-may11
published by hockproductions.


foreWORD

Its so fast, so fast and so fast. One week's gone by and we are in our 4th week of running. So let us put our hands together to celebrate a month's aniversary! We do keep our promise to feature readers from time to time, so if you want to be featured (it may be a good or bad thing, judging on personal opinions) in our weekly spread. So, without further ado, let issue FOUR begin!


h-LIFE

SO, it was an exciting end to last week while this week had an exulberant (sorry we do not have word editor in our office, so we cant do spellcheck) start. Saturday. May 5th. h was alone in the house with 3 girls. it was hot. OK FORGET THE LAST SENTENCE. HOT because H was busy figuring out how to fix this model wood piano out. Even though H has alot of model making experience and gundam model making experience, this was a hell of a task as H only had 1 hour, along with 3 not so experienced interns under his charge.

As the interns are underaged, We are not disclosing their full names. Ms tay, Ms chua and Ms chen and Mr H was rushing the thing out and was quite glad that it turned out nice though they had a time restriction. Sorry folks, no pictures, our camaraman took a lot of shots but somehow she is not around in town.

So after that, rushed down to east coast part (bad decision) and because of Ms chen's inexperience, the team ended up at the wrong end of ECP. However, the walk back to the correct spot did kill time off. It was nevertheless exciting, out team followed them. and they were like exploring jetties while trying to hide and catch AHEM and her AHEM (in an intimate moment) ALAS, their wishes were not granted as they ended up lost and just sat down on a bench for.... i forgotten how many hours.

It turned out that AHEM fell ASLEEP. so did Ms chua. It ended up well, because she found us(or rather Ms chua) and the rest of us just surprised her from the back. Nice night.

Sunday - OFF DAY for the workers, dint manage to catch H in action

monday to thursday was quite mundane, and is strictly a regime. Let us offer some highlights. H is involved in a new LOW profile but HIGH attention project. Initially H thought why even though he is the only person in the team under the director, yet it is getting so much attention. (colleagues peep and ask what project it is, boss look and comment and H even had a discussion with mww and director) it turns out that, the project is actually a terrace housing for the director! now we know.

Friday, which is today was a good day. it was the forth time in the week that H bumped into a friend in the train. monday
-YC wednesday - PRIMARY SCH FRIEND KAH WOON thursday - JH friday - ISKANDAR

H had a fantastic friday, he thinks he has finally resolved the problem behind the layout of the terrace housing, but has yet to show director as he was in a interview. And he also broke the last thin ice. talked and helped out the NUS intern while sharing talks with colleagues. All it took was one laughter. and a toilet that the ceiling board has all but fallen. (inside joke)

Thats all for this week of H's life!

Reported by:
"the cute wonder" hockie


moodFORECAST

This week's mood is very profound, rain, shine, cloud, thunder, hailstone(ok maybe not that).

Next week's mood is clouds. HEAVY clouds. Please bring along an umbrella. Poncho wont help.

Reported by:
"the one hit one kill" ah-hock


hRECOMMENDS

This week we recommend 2 chinese songs and an english song to top up this amazing week of H WEEKLY. Pardon my typing. Im getting bored of my job. which is to listen song whole day to recommend.








3 fantastic songs that i never skip when playing and listen just to understand why. Not too good videos for the chinese ones, but i loved the allamerican rejects video. cool pyrotechnics.

Thats all for my section today.

Reported by:
"the only one" y h


nickCRAZY

This is entirely a new section which is going to be covered by our special correspondent N as he is really too free.

Hi, im N, some of you may remember me from last week's interview. This week i was supposed to do an interview with one of H's admirer but apparently she was too busy.

This section, we look at H's MSN list and check out whats in, whats out and what really is funny.

IF i could just live one day in her shoes. (AWAY)
OMG. LOL LOL. ok i understand perfect english, but our h weekly is based on hockism language. so please. i will pay anyone not to live in a shoe.

Give me your loneliness - and i will give you my tenderness
romeo.. where art thou~ LOL ok no guessing whos nick is this.

"may i fall in love with you" - i love you.... mr yusof bin ishak
ok. this is already omg enough. no comments.

[YUI] why are you so fast when you walk?
i do not need to answer such stupid question. but maybe i shd. because you are not slow.

..gone - Pls prepare a casket and incinerator for me
sir, what size do you want?

DENISE'sgotabadback. mindoverbody! - what makes you happy.
ok. u got a bad back. what u gonna do. what u gonna do when HOCKAMANIA RUNS WILD ON U!!!! ok. just pray daily to hock and u will get better :)

Reported by:
"the mysterious one" N

afterWORD

OK, no pun or personal attacks or any insults from the last section, just to entertain you guys. i will try to keep a tab on N and make sure he does not do anything too funny. ENJOY the weekend people!


"the news that brings the best out of you"
Chief Editor
H

H-weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeekly!!!!!!!
issue#03/may04
published by hockproductions


foreWORD

Before we start, lets just say SORRY and HELLO to all my loyal and patient readers. We are extremely sorry that we delievered this issue late by 1 day, but as the editor has decided, we decided to publish every friday instead. We hope you enjoy this extra special spread of H-weekly and hope you guys would continue to lend your support to us!


h-LIFE

We continue from last week, and it was certainly an exciting start to it. An "official" clan dea outing for H and his clan friends, of course with clan COMA too from warcraft. H met them in a lan shop in paradiz and played a match of dota with them before Zen, our chieftain arrived, with oldgen.

They decided to watch a movie, and it was wild hogs, H secretly laughing at s[T]a[R] because he had watched the film already. It was a quite nice show, quite lame and well, lame. after that, played lan until the wee hours of the morning before returning home, tired.

Sorry, our photographer was not present that day, so no photos, folks.

We also discovered that H is a workaHOCKlic because he only knew that tuesday was labour day, on monday lunch itself! what a worka-HOCK-lic! After that, H caught a movie with chenqiutong taysuyin chuayier at bedok ==. and the movie was wild hogs. ENOUGH SAID. (H shouldnt have laughed at star earlier on) and was forced to take a neoprint ==.

H got assigned to a new project after finally, and we said finally, completing the tender for the Peranakan Museum. The new project is thankfully, also a major one. It is for the erection (sounds wrong?) of a new school for autistic people, the Pathlight school. It is quite an interesting project, although its in the tender stage already.

H had an extremely bad wednesday. He was cursing and swearing at the school management. (we are not revealing the exact exerpts of the conversation due to the extreme profanities involved and the mostly underaged crowd reading H-weekly.)

Finally, Friday when H finally met up with IAD people after a long while. Quite interesting sharing their experiences of their company. Went to starbucks in a while now.


Reported by:
"the cute wonder" hockie


moodFORECAST

lastweek's mood:

RAIN, RAIN and MORE RAIN.

nextweek's mood:

Lightning and thunder expected. Better stay clear of him.


Reported by:
"the one hit one kill" ah-hock


h-RECOMMENDS

This week, we shall be featuring some alternative songs that he listened too, so dont be too shocked!

First up, NEMO by nightwish. Its metal classical, but the melody flows along with dark days and its suitable songs for emotional periods.

The next song is lips of an angel by Hinder. Nice ideas behind the song, a song that is in your ipod if you are still thinking of your ex, while having your current girlfriend beside you now.

Finally, the last song, it was supposed to be Fightstar's waste a moment, but the editor decided that it was too freaking scary to be posted, so its banned! So we made up with Savage garden's To the moon and back.

Reported by:
"the only one" -y h-

special CORRESPONDENT-REPORT

This is a series of interviews with our very vocal chief editor, H. This week, we quiz him about his status. I mean relationship status.

nameless(N): Hi H, nice to meet you.
H: hello N, and can you please take off that trenchcoat and shades? you look like a freaking weirdo trying to act cool.

N: I dress to impress.
H: NO ONE DRESSES LIKE THAT IN GEYLANG!

N: ... ok back to the topic, a lot of our readers wanted to know your current status now, are you single, and more importantly, available?
H: No, i am not single, but i am attached to myself.

N: Thats a cool answer, but can you please answer me?
H: alright, i'll talk. I'll say that im not interested in pursuing a relationship of any kind now.

N: Surely, our female readers(and some male readers like stephen) would be crying out loud now. It doesn help that some of them have msn nicks that goes "you make me smile(stephen)".
H: i cannot help it you know, its just that im too hot. hot on the outside and cool on the inside.

N: Splendid, now i can see why you are one of the most sought after eligible bachelors.
H: Nah, you flatter me. So have i sastified your questions?

N: yeah sure, anyway, one last question. Why are you in geylang of all places?
H: im a superhero man, an icon. i need to make my pressence felt everywhere. Its nice to start from geylang as its actually one of the icons in singapore.

N: alright, thank you for your time, H. I really enjoyed this session.
H: sure, no problem.

To top it off, i will upload this picture i took of him in his superhero suit. actually its taken last year.

Reported by:
"the mysterious one" N.

afterWORD

So, this issue of H-weekly ends with aplomb with the special correspondent finally showing up. We hope you have enjoyed this issue, and GOOD NIGHT GUYS.

The News that does not seem to be early,
Chief editor
H