Social circle

you know. as ur social circle expands.. u find it hard to choose which group u wanna hang out with.

it doesn neccessary mean you are popular, but it could mean that you are still trying to find a "home"

i have no particular "home" that i can feel comfortable in.

maybe my batch mates from vip fit the bill as of now.

but im

missing out on
my sec1/2 classmates, my sec3/4 classmates, my tkrcy squadmates, my other rcy friends, my iad ppl, my clan ppl...

sometimes it tires me out, it makes me sad..

because of negligence, all these social bonds which i had created will have to give way.

and because of prolonged absence from these groups, i will get forgotten, and even if i make one appearance after that, they no longer will update me nor inform me on whats going on.

if i go out with them, it would mean im going in uninvited, which isnt a really nice thing to do.

so essentially im stuck with no social groups.

im anti-social.

i have no friends that i feel specially bonded to, go out regulary, chat regulary. when im on msn, im usually stoning, look at the msn list, while looking for ppl to chat to. which ends up not chatting anybody except if u count yeelong.

that is why i am very happy when ppl include me in mass convos or when they chat to me
i would readily give up gaming for that. now if u ask me go out, i wont hesitate anymore. i don wanna have any more regrets, or be tied down.

i wanna mix out, mix around, talk to, and be talked to, listen to, and be listened to.

close friends.

friends.

people i know.

if i just kept a list of friends i still talk to or go out with, i think the msn list. would be less than 20.

maybe thats abit exaggerated, but its true, i feel left out at times. going out with people, they talked about things i do not know, and when one person in the group feel the awkwardness abt my silence, will try to include me in the group by saying something like dota or what, it will just be brief and after that, im left alone again.

maybe thats why i walk down from dhoby ghaut to bedok so much last year.

im tired.

of being lonely.


im sick.

of not being with anyone.


i want you to take me in,
take me into your home,
nurse me back to health,
and let me be part of you.


how long more do i need to suffer?


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the above. if u struggled to understand, read, or apprehend, its fine really.
because of the lack of communication i engage with you all, tats why u guys wont understand what im typing.

im so sorry.
im angry, not for this loneliness, but at myself for putting myself in such a situation.

i just wanna bury my head somewhere cold and hide from the fact now.

i updated my blog headers. if u havent notice. about me. portfolio. links. all updated.

sorry for the emotional posts of late.

i cant help it.


y h